IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What do you think about celebrities? Are celebrities good or bad for you?

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As
people
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 focus more on entertaining themselves, celebrities and shows can be seen almost everywhere on TV, magazines, social media… Is idolizing famous
people
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 harmless or harmful to us? And
thus
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, will their popularity have a bad influence on any of us
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Though I personally believe not.
On the other hand
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, no
one
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 can argue that it is totally fine and normal to have a role model or idol in your heart. Which
then
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,
people
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 will tend to act like the person they consider to be perfect. It even comes to me that it is actually beneficial once
one
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 chooses a good celebrity to look up to.
However
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, it’s hard for teenagers to choose
one
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 rightly. Take an example from those celebs who always brag about their expensive cars, bag collections, rich husbands or luxurious
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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.
In addition
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, Kim Kardashian- famous for scandalous relationships; Jojo Siwa- steals songs from others and brings bad pictures to others with her weird style. these are the
people
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 who make young
people
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 misunderstand fame and success,
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also
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and also
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 daydream about unrealistic things.
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While
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On
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on the other hand
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, though it is hard to find,
although
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 it is rare, it is not impossible to find
people
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 who gain fame from their own strengths.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Taylor Swift
,
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apply
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is
Correct article usage
an aglobally
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aglobally
Correct your spelling
a globally
globally
 acclaimed singer who writes her own
song
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songs
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 and makes her own music.
People
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 can learn how to stand up after failure and gain confidence from idols like her. Another example of
this
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 is Keanu Reeves, an actor who is crazily rich but
people
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 always find him wearing simple clothes, acting kind, gentle and considerate in every move. By looking at these
people
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, the youth can learn useful lessons about ambition, tenacity and living kind to others. In conclusion, celebrities may or may not negatively influence us unless we admire the right
one
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. And
thus
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, young generations should be educated to figure out who should be chosen to be their role model.

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point for better readability.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced viewpoints and develop your ideas further with additional evidence or examples.
general
Make sure to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, allowing the reader to follow the overall argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as Taylor Swift and Keanu Reeves, to illustrate points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limelight
  • persona
  • mental health issues
  • paparazzi
  • media
  • distressing
  • influence
  • responsibility
  • setting a good example
  • financial stability
  • precarious
  • negative publicity
  • reputation
  • career prospects
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