What do you think about celebrities? Are celebrities good or bad for you?
As
people
focus more on entertaining themselves, celebrities and shows can be seen almost everywhere on TV, magazines, social media… Is idolizing famous people
harmless or harmful to us? And thus
, will their popularity have a bad influence on any of us.
Though I personally believe not.
Change the punctuation
?
On the other hand
, no one
can argue that it is totally fine and normal to have a role model or idol in your heart. Which then
, people
will tend to act like the person they consider to be perfect. It even comes to me that it is actually beneficial once one
chooses a good celebrity to look up to. However
, it’s hard for teenagers to choose one
rightly. Take an example from those celebs who always brag about their expensive cars, bag collections, rich husbands or luxurious lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
In addition
, Kim Kardashian- famous for scandalous relationships; Jojo Siwa- steals songs from others and brings bad pictures to others with her weird style. these are the people
who make young people
misunderstand fame and success, also
daydream about unrealistic things.
Correct word choice
and also
While
Correct word choice
On
on the other hand
, though it is hard to find, although
it is rare, it is not impossible to find people
who gain fame from their own strengths. For
example
Taylor SwiftAdd a comma
example,
,
is Remove the comma
apply
Correct article usage
an aglobally
aglobally
acclaimed singer who writes her own Correct your spelling
a globally
globally
song
and makes her own music. Fix the agreement mistake
songs
People
can learn how to stand up after failure and gain confidence from idols like her. Another example of this
is Keanu Reeves, an actor who is crazily rich but people
always find him wearing simple clothes, acting kind, gentle and considerate in every move. By looking at these people
, the youth can learn useful lessons about ambition, tenacity and living kind to others.
In conclusion, celebrities may or may not negatively influence us unless we admire the right one
. And thus
, young generations should be educated to figure out who should be chosen to be their role model.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point for better readability.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced viewpoints and develop your ideas further with additional evidence or examples.
general
Make sure to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, allowing the reader to follow the overall argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as Taylor Swift and Keanu Reeves, to illustrate points.