IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people tend to buy products or get services instantly, without waiting. Why is it happening? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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While
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 several people are sitting tightly, others are insisting on attaining what they want quickly. Technology seems to have a huge role in
this
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 trend. Unfortunately, it might bring others physical and mental health issues.
This
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 essay will convey those two points
further
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 with a helicopter view. Since the advent of the Industrial Revolution, state-of-the-art technologies
such
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 as handheld gadgets like mobile phones or tablets
is
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have been
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 prevalent. They give humans access to various platforms to fulfil their needs easily.
For instance
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, Uber Food exists as a food delivery application. Its users can order any delicacies and taste them afterwards.
Instead
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 of facing road congestion for hours and pouring a lot of effort into driving themselves to a restaurant, they just have to stand by the couch minutely. It will likely foster rapid gratification, which is an elated feeling when their desires become true seamlessly. The more swiftly the experience is, the more possibilities it is in the cards to be repeated.
As a consequence
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 of the previous motive, ailments might be par for the course. The lack of physical movement will cause a variety of problems.
For example
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, by just holding back and taking dozens of calories on a daily basis, a body will not be able to withhold the fat in the digestive system.
Consequently
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, obesity and diabetes have the likelihood to emerge in the following years. Had consumers realized
this
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 from the beginning,
such
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 grave health issues would have been prevented.
To sum up
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, the speed of a system
,
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apply
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 tends to be favoured because of its easiness for some groups.
However
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, it can have a bad medical influence on a person.
Thus
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, it is crucial for everyone to rethink their decisions in making
this
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 kind of habit continuously.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points directly address both the 'why' of the trend and whether it's positive or negative, offering clear examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating stronger connections between your ideas and points. Use cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Expand upon your main points with more specific and diverse examples that relate directly to the question asked.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, summarizing your position and the essences of your argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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