IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

salary is much more important than job satisfaction do you agree or disagree give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience write at least 250 words

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Salary is much more important than job satisfaction do you agree or disagree give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience write at least 250 words It is argued that earning lots of money has more significance to
people
 than being content
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
work
.
This
 essay totally disagrees with that statement. I believe that
people
 are increasingly concerned about the risk of stress-related ill-health frequently experienced by
people
 in highly paid positions and they care more about feeling fulfilled at
work
. Employees who earn a large income are generally under significant mental and emotional pressure to perform well and achieve targets.
This
 causes many individuals to suffer high levels of stress which can result in mental health problems.
This
 happened to my uncle. He used to boast about his huge salary but the boss kept increasing his sales targets and in the end, the stress became too great and he had a nervous breakdown. Now he regrets being driven by the money. Having a job that they enjoy doing, and in which they feel valued, is a major concern for most of the modern workforce. A significant number of
people
 are giving up well-paid positions to do jobs which
pays
Correct subject-verb agreement
pay
show examples
 less but that they find more enjoyable and less stressful. I am an example of
this
 myself. A year ago, I gave up the teaching profession because the workload had become too great and am now a gardener. I feel really fulfilled in
this
work
 and am much more relaxed and happy even though I earn far less money. In conclusion, for a high percentage of the population, earning a substantial wage is less important than job satisfaction because of the negative effects of
work
-related stress and the desire to feel happy and fulfilled at
work
.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position and supports it well, consider expanding on the examples a bit more to provide additional depth and perspective.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to enhance the flow of the essay. This can help maintain the reader's interest and improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the essay's position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
Each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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