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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #tv #films #children #creativity
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some people believe watching
movies
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 and TV programs decreases levels of creativity among
children
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, other's opinion is that
movies
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 make
children
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's creativity get better. in my opinion, these 2 points are correct but not every time
due to
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 the situations being different on the one hand
movies
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, cartoons and films are the best way to educate the young generation because
children
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's minds
is
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are
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 not developed enough so
that is
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 why they are not able to identify what is bad and what is good. correctly created
movies
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 can aid them
to find
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in finding
show examples
 out the solution to some life problems.
for example
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, American directors created special cartoons for
children
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 about how to behave themselves in public places
such
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us
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as
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 buses, restaurants and clinics
as a result
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children
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 remember the character's
behavior
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behaviour
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 and exactly copy their acts
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However
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However,
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 there are
movies
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 which are not for
children
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 or just not for education and just for entertainment
in addition
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 these kinds of films consist of actions that show blood, murders and robbers which affect on youth's mind. they just can not understand that
movies
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 are not for them
for instance
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 scientists have researched that horror
movies
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 which show a large amount of blood and ruthless attitudes toward people or animals make
children
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 nervous and anxious.
to sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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 everything that has been written before correctly filmed
movies
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 may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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on
Change preposition
apply
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children
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's life
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in the first years but other films with unnecessary information make them feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
nervous and not in the right place
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introduction
Improve your introduction by clearly stating both views and your opinion in a more structured manner. For example, 'Some people believe that watching movies and TV programs decreases levels of creativity among children, while others think it enhances their creativity. This essay will discuss both viewpoints before giving my opinion.'
conclusion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing both views and restating your opinion in a concise manner. For example, 'In conclusion, while watching movies and TV shows can sometimes negatively impact children's creativity, it can also significantly foster their creativity when used appropriately. The key is to ensure children are exposed to the right kind of content.'
paragraphs
Develop your main points clearly and logically in separate paragraphs with topic sentences. For example, 'On the one hand, movies and TV programs can be excellent educational tools for children...' 'On the other hand, some types of TV content can negatively influence young minds...'
content
The essay presents both views on the topic, which is important for a balanced discussion.
examples
You've provided specific examples, such as the American directors creating special cartoons for children, which strengthens your argument.
balance
The essay attempts to provide a balanced view, acknowledging that both viewpoints have some merit depending on the situation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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