IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is more improtant to teach children the literature and history of their own country than that of other countries, to what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, past secondary is important for other admission.
However
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, businesses should know about countries free. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because for adds ability and regard.
This
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 essay will discuss the following below.
To begin
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 with, The student must add education about the past
such
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 as like past of buildings or free countries.
However
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, businesses must learn about
this
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 accountability to add experience and learn to own
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.
For instance
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, when the job is about historical buildings, They know what year the builder was born. So education about literature and the past is absolutely in courses, libraries and schools.
In addition
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, teachers
also
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 have to know about accountability and examples for hiring on how to learn it and give motivation for all services to improve their information.
Moreover
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, the community should appreciate the past about anything because it can increase our life from the old and modern era to and new era.
In addition
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, the community have to know where the past is made.
for example
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, Andi learned about the past of phones, he knows who created it and when other people ask questions for him, they can answer. So regard for all subjects , especially past can improve enrollment.
On the other hand
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, people experts argue honorariums for other people who give us past, we must consider them. In conclusion, learning about literature and the past is important for a student and someone.
Therefore
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, The school have to provide
this
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 likely for trade.
Also
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 in the library must available these books. My prediction, when the dependent is always available at school, I believe the student more recognise other information.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity and specificity of your main points and examples. Try to ensure that each paragraph supports your thesis statement and flows logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your introduction and conclusion sections. Ensure that your introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your key arguments.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will help strengthen your response and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Focus on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. Try to make each point more precise and logically related to your overall argument.
task achievement
Your essay discusses a relevant topic and attempts to cover multiple aspects of the argument, which shows good engagement with the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay does contain an identifiable introduction and conclusion, indicating that you have a basic structure in place.
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