IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

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One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is an ongoing debate among people about working manually or using
machines
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.
While
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 some people prefer getting the
work
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 done by hand, in my view, the use of machinery offers more advantages, as explained below in
this
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 essay. the first advantage of
this
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 development is time-saving. To explain, many activities take a long time to be accomplished because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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 both physical and mental inputs and sometimes
also
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 need more manpower.
For example
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, a room can be cleaned by a vacuum cleaner in 5 minutes,
while
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 doing
this
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 on your own takes 30 minutes.
Therefore
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, these appliances restrain time.
Secondly
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, it gives freedom to women. Since ladies mostly look after their home chores, these devices help them out a lot and grant them more independence. Granted, the hand-made
work
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 still offers a personal touch, be it for product creation or a service offering.
However
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, not every product or service can be delivered personally, especially high-demand products that are frequently consumed.
Moreover
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, it will take a long time to complete a job without the aid of  machinery.
Hence
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 the need for
machines
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 to automate the process is even more necessary. In conclusion, every individual has the option to do
work
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 on their own or make use of the automated tools available. The above discourse discussed the pros and cons of doing
work
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 via hands and the usage of
machines
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. The reasons given above certainly affirm the advantages of letting
machines
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 take over the housework.

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task response
Your essay is clear and answers the question effectively. However, ensuring precise language and proper capitalization, especially at the beginning of sentences, will enhance readability. For example, start the second paragraph with 'The' instead of 'the'.
coherence and cohesion
Add transitions between ideas to improve the flow and make your argumentation more cohesive. Consider phrases like 'In addition to these benefits' or 'Moreover' to link your points more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas logically.
task response
The examples provided, such as the use of a vacuum cleaner, effectively support your main points and make your argumentation more concrete.
task response
The essay demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the essay topic and presents clear ideas and relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Efficiency
  • Manual labor
  • Displacement
  • Homemaking skills
  • Technological advancements
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Resource depletion
  • Energy efficiency
  • Social dynamics
  • Operational understanding
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