It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
On these
days, parents try to teach their kids Change preposition
These
saving
Change the verb form
to save
money
for their future independence. I partly agree with this
statement.
In these
days, Inflation is the main reason why youth not trying to save Change preposition
These
money
for their future. First of all, The value of money
is decreasing day by day. As a result
, there nonsense
of accumulating only Add a missing verb
is nonsense
money
. For example
, couple
Correct article usage
a couple
months
ago I bought a car which cost about 17000 dollars but now it Change preposition
of months
cost
16000 dollars Wrong verb form
costs
the
most Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
people
may say it decreased on
price. If they calculate Change preposition
in
quantity
of dollars to sum it is understandable that Add an article
the quantity
further
increased by inflation and 16000 d have same
rate Change the article
the same
with
1700 d Change preposition
as
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
months
ago. The best way for children’s future is Change preposition
of months
investing
Change the verb form
to invest
money
to
Change preposition
in
kind
of business. Parents may teach their kids how to invest rather than just collecting Correct article usage
a kind
money
.
It is highly important to
Change preposition
for to
people
control their own finances and teach their children how to manage and save it
. Because Correct pronoun usage
them
,
there are several emergency situations and unexpected expenses . Remove the comma
apply
For example
,health problems or when people
lose their jobs . When ,
they Remove the comma
apply
lost
their job, the accumulated Wrong verb form
lose
money
will help them last
a couple of days until they get their job back . If I write about health care issues most of
Change preposition
apply
people
cannot afford meditation surgery when it is too expensive. As a
result
the individual may face Add a comma
result,
with
serious health conditions.
In conclusion, Change preposition
apply
due to
the aforementioned reasons , although
saving money
may be positive
facility in some circumstances. Investigating Add an article
a positive
the positive
way
better than teaching kids just accumulating Add a missing verb
is way
money
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the overall structure and clarity by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your arguments with relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Work on grammar and punctuation to ensure the essay reads smoothly and professionally. For example, 'nonsense of accumulating' should be 'no sense in accumulating'.
task achievement
The essay contains some good points about the importance of saving and investing, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
There is a coherent attempt at addressing the question and providing a developed response.
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