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Band 6.5

Some parents and teachers think that children’s behavior should be strictly controlled. While some think that children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #teachers #children’s #behavior #think #children
Some guardians and teachers believe that kid's attitudes should be strictly limited and controlled. Meanwhile, some believe that kids should have their own opinions and their own freedom to behave
however
 they like. I kind of agree with both perspectives and in
this
 essay, I am going to talk about both points of view and give my own opinion.
To begin
 with, I think that kids who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 strictly told what to do, how to behave and
overall
 controlled, they might not know what to do in the future or how to defend themselves because they have been told how to act their whole life.
Therefore
, it is going to be hard for them to be able to make their own decisions.
However
, they should be taught how to be polite around other people,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 to respect elder people, guardians should set boundaries for their young ones not to be fully strict with them. I strongly believe especially in
this
 generation, kids are able to behave freely, they are strongly stubborn and so clever, they know what can be dangerous to them. But, we can not take
this
 for granted and just let them be, we have to follow them around and make sure they are safe.
To sum up
, my opinion is a mix of both, we have to keep an eye on children because
at the end
 of the day, they are innocent humans, and in difficult situations, they might not know what to do.
However
, we can let them be whoever they wish to be so they can develop their own personalities.
Submitted by a-l-a-a-11 on

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task achievement
You have provided a response to the task and discussed both viewpoints. However, more specific examples and detailed explanations would improve the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but it can be enhanced by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, consider using transition words such as 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'on the other hand' to connect your points more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the task. Still, they could be more robust by including a brief overview of the main points you're going to discuss, and summarizing the discussed points in the conclusion more explicitly.
task achievement
The essay successfully covers both perspectives regarding the control of children's behavior.
coherence cohesion
The overall organization of the essay is clear and logical, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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