IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives To what extent do you agree of disagree to this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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In recent years, the importance of
science
 has become a heated topic. Some
people
 believe that
science
 offers various advantages to improve
people
's quality of
life
.
However
, others argue that
science
also
 creates unpleasure disadvantages
such
 as animal experiments or weapons. In
this
 essay, I will examine both perspectives.
Science
, especially related to
life
, might improve healthcare systems and medical treatment more accurately than in the past.
For example
, scientists could create a diagnosis machine to discover the best way to cure and recover patients which helps doctors reduce their overload work and patients receive accurate way of treatment.
As a result
,
people
 might have a high
life
 expectancy and healthy lives. Another significant benefit of
science
 is to bring
people
 together.
For instance
,
science
, in terms of digital
science
, could connect
people
 from around the world to communicate and interact through online platforms or social media.
This
 means that individuals can seek job opportunities from rich countries and might work remotely from their home country.
On the other hand
, some others believe that
science
 causes conflict around the world. Scientists might be able to create some chemical products to improve
people
's lives but
people
 might use them for the wrong purpose,
such
 as Albert Einstein created nuclear to generate electricity but some countries use them as weapons to harm other
people
.
Moreover
,
science
also
 harms other species,
such
 as rabbits and mice, for medical experiments.
For example
, before launching new cosmetic products, some companies might test the product on animals to ensure they are secure for human use.
Consequently
, there are many animals died because of
this
 test. In conclusion,
although
sciences
Fix the agreement mistake
science
show examples
many
Add a missing verb
has many
show examples
 drawbacks
such
 as creating weapons or animal experiments,
Science
also
 offers multiple benefits, including improving
people
's
life
 expectancy and bringing
people
 together.
Submitted by bhavifasai on

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task achievement
You have provided a well-balanced response to the topic, which examines both the advantages and disadvantages of science in improving people's lives. However, to achieve a higher band, try to delve deeper into your points by providing more detailed and specific examples, and ensure that each point is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to make your main arguments more cohesive by using linking words and phrases more effectively. This will help to connect your ideas more fluidly.
task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives of the argument, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic. This is crucial for a high score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly related to the topic, which helps in presenting a coherent argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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