Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In recent years,
technology
and its effects on individuals have become a more important subject than in the past.these days ,Some children
are occupied by their smartphones
for a long time as a daily routine.in this
essay, I will explain why it can be a problem and then
I will discuss the reasons for my negative perspective on this
development.
Today ,due to
globalization of the technology
,appealing changes in our life
are not avoidable.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Smartphones
as a kind of technological device have become significantly popular among children
.Variety of games and diversity of its intertainment
lead to allocated hours daily by Correct your spelling
entertainment
children
.
There are too many negative aspects to this
issue.Advancement in technology
is a really crucial object that may have potential negative impacts on our children
.Firstly
,less value might be based on the school's commitment.For instance
,most of the daily hours are spent on mobile phones and there is no time left to do school's
homework.Change noun form
school
Secondly
, too many physical diseases may happen to these children
.Such
as less ability to see well that
has Correct pronoun usage
which
proven
by pediatric Add a missing verb
been proven
scintists
that it will happen Correct your spelling
scientists
due to
long-term focus on a phone screen.Moreover
, obesity caused by less activity is really increasing among children
.
On the other hand
,some believe that it could be beneficial.they claim that spending hours on smartphones
is not a problem because in future all jobs are going to be online and will managed by phone.But they should consider that a scheduled plan for all activities is necessary for all children
to be principled in the future,furthermore
even in the future technology
and work will be worthless in comparison to health which is really affected by the long-term usage of smartphones
in childhood.
all in all,many strong steps should be taken in the right direction when technological advancement has become popular among children
. As a detrimental effect
obesity in Add a comma
effect,
children
is a favourable example due to
its significant increase in the large number of children
.Submitted by ashkanasho on
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language accuracy
Ensure that sentences are more precise and avoid grammatical errors. For example, 'technology and its effects on individuals have become a more important subject than in the past.' This should be 'technology’s effects on individuals have recently become a more important subject.'
cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. This will help the overall flow and coherence of the essay, making your arguments easier to follow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of saying 'there are too many negative aspects to this issue,' you could include examples such as specific studies or reports.
task response
The essay addresses both parts of the question and offers a clear opinion on whether this development is positive or negative.
cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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