People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #possessions #friendships #relationships

To begin

with, in a world marked by economic progression,

Correct article usage

the

show examples

grim reality of a materialistic society is becoming increasingly prevalent.

This

is featured markedly with images of people being fanatical about luxury goods as one means to flaunt their wealth and success. What is worse is the added competition among friends in

such

relentless pursuits of status and money,

hence

undermining core values of human bonding. An acquisitive society placing an emphasis on

personal

Add an article

the personal

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accumulation of possessions can

also

be reflected in an economy that relies heavily on debt and consumer spending, most notably

with

Change preposition

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Korea where the majority of citizens are getting trapped in astounding credit debts.

Furthermore

, expensive communication technology should be made responsible for

Correct article usage

the

show examples

fragmented relationship of human beings. The proliferation of smartphones and social media means people tend to depend heavily on state-of-the-art communication methods to keep in touch with friends on a daily basis. At first glance,

this

seems idealistic and promising, yet the real problem is that

such

alternatives to face-to-face communication often overlook the nuances of emotions and body

languages

Fix the agreement mistake

language

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thus

perpetuating a superficial way to establish liaison with others, one that highlights selfishness and debases empathy

as well as

other virtues.

However

, my stand on criticisms against material possessions taking precedence over

development

Add an article

the development

show examples

of personal

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

is that

such

a harsh attitude is biased and one-dimensional. It should be recognized that not everybody is materialistic and driven by money and that the formed attitude is an outcome of upbringing, personality, and friendship groups. There are societies, China or Japan to be mentioned, that still set great stores by family bonding

while

focusing on monetary gains.

Submitted by mainht88 on Fri Jun 28 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Expand on the introduction or provide a brief conclusion that sums up your arguments for a stronger structure.

logical structure

Use more connector phrases and transitional words to ensure a seamless flow between different ideas and paragraphs.

complete response

The essay effectively addresses the prompt and discusses various aspects of the topic, providing a complete response.

clear comprehensive ideas

The main ideas are clearly expressed and well-organized, allowing the reader to follow your arguments easily.

relevant specific examples

The examples given (e.g., Korea's credit debt, influence of smartphones) are relevant and specific, helping to support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.