IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning park land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over the past few decades, there has been a profound increase in the population of metro
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
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 has led to the development of a housing crisis as land is not available for the construction of new apartments. One proposed solution was to re-allocate the land assigned to
parks
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 to resolve
this
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 issue.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement and explains why
parks
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 are beneficial for maintaining a healthy community and environment. One of the primary advantages of
parks
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 in main
cities
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 is that they provide an area for the people of the community to socialise. The existence of
parks
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 helps people meet their friends and spend quality time with them, which can be a delightful activity.
For instance
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, individuals can visit the park with their friends daily in the morning to participate in yoga sessions organised by many
parks
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 in the locality.
Additionally
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, it brings humans closer to nature.
This
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 is because many
cities
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 are majorly covered by buildings and there are very few trees and gardens.
However
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, with the absence of
parks
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, these
cities
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 would transform into concrete jungles and it would become very difficult for people to connect with the environment. Another benefit of having
parks
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 in
cities
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 is related to the environmental impact. The removal of
parks
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 would be detrimental to the biosphere.
This
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 is because
parks
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 contain trees which contribute to maintaining the stability of the ecosystem.
For example
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, the conversion of harmful greenhouse gases
such
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 as carbon dioxide to an essential gas
such
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 as oxygen.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 can have a positive effect on the air quality index and the reduction of global warming.
For
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this
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 reason, it is clearly evident that
parks
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 are crucial in stabilising environmental health. In conclusion,
although
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 a large number of
cities
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 are encountering a housing crisis and the land occupied by
parks
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 could be used to solve
this
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 issue, I think that
parks
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 are important for the city. They play a key role in enhancing connections within the community and the environment.

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task achievement
While the essay provides relevant arguments and examples, expanding more on the counterarguments (e.g., why some might think park land could be converted to housing) and refuting them could strengthen your stance.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-articulated, but ensure each paragraph has a single clear central idea. For example, separate environmental benefits into their own paragraph for clearer emphasis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using linking phrases and ensuring that each point flows naturally to the next can help improve cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively outlines the main argument and sets the stage for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is clear and restates the main points effectively, reinforcing your position.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main ideas, such as the benefits of parks in socializing and environmental stability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing crisis
  • residential development
  • reassigning park land
  • green spaces
  • recreational activities
  • mental well-being
  • ecological balance
  • environmental consequences
  • supporting biodiversity
  • high-rise apartments
  • vacant lots
  • repurposing industrial areas
  • community opposition
  • social unrest
  • quality of life
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • integrating green spaces
  • preservation
  • communal spaces
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