IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Students nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, teenagers are becoming lazier and do less exercise than
in
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apply
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many decades ago.
Therefore
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, there is a need to add more mandatory
sports
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 lessons in schools for students. In
this
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 essay, I will present reasons for not being persuaded by
this
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 statement. On the one hand, adding and turning physical classes to be more compulsory could lead to counterproductive. When teenagers play
sports
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 with the psychology of being forced to belong, they lose their enthusiasm and dynamism with
sports
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.
Instead
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, teenagers should be allowed to choose whether to play
sports
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 or not.
In addition
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, physical classes might waste valuable lessons.
For instance
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, most publics are always busy with their homework and projects. Especially, with senior students who have to face important entrance exams.
Therefore
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, educational institutions should provide more useful classes or programs involving subjects like Math, English, physics, or Chemistry.
On the other hand
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, athletic pastimes have some benefits. Admittedly, physical activities improve the public's mental well-being. After stressful class hours, children can have a rest time or relaxation by playing outdoor activities.
This
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 not only helps develop physical health but
also
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 mental health.
Moreover
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, playing
sports
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 can be a great chance to help discipline and work with others as a team. Take basketball or soccer,
for example
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, team members have to coordinate smoothly in dribbling and passing the ball.
Besides
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, they
also
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 learn to believe in their teammates and respect them. In conclusion, I'm afraid I have to disagree with the opinion that forcing the public to participate in
sports
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 lessons. Rather, it is to let children decide for themselves what they will do.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear stance, though the introduction could be more aligned with the main points discussed. Make sure your introduction sets the stage clearly and mirrors the arguments you will cover in your essay.
task achievement
Some of your main points are well-supported, but others lack depth and clarity. Try to elaborate more on each point and ensure that they tie back to your main argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a good flow but could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Use connective words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will improve the logical structure and make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your position and reinforces your main argument, which provides closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and the ideas presented follow a logical sequence.
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