Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past.Some people think changes have been positive by others believe they have been negative.Discuss both views and give your opinion. Show ideas and vocabulary / Find essays with the same topic / Report
There
has
been vast changes in the lifestyle of individuals from Change the verb form
have
olden
days compared to recent times. Some people opine Correct article usage
the olden
these varied lifestyle
have been advantageous whilst others think Change the determiner
this varied lifestyle
these varied lifestyles
otherwise
. This
essay seeks to look at both sides of the arguement
. My opinion is, Correct your spelling
argument
these
changes have had negative Correct word choice
that these
as well as
positive impact
.
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
To begin
with, indecent dressing is a key problem of today. This
is as
a result of blindly copying Western Change preposition
apply
lifestyles
which is
deemed modern. Change the verb form
are
This
has become possible because of easy access to the daily lifestyles
of celebrities abroad via social media platforms. The main drawback with
Change preposition
of
this
is increased rates of teenage pregnancies and sexual assault on account of females wearing seductive and revealing clothes. Also
, violence is on the rise due to
display
of violent movies on our television screens. A publication in the New York Times reported the victim of the 2012 Chicago school shooting by a teenager was Correct article usage
the display
as
a result of movies watched by the Change preposition
apply
perpetretor
. In view of Correct your spelling
perpetrator
perpetrators
this
, it cannot be overemphasized the negative effects of Modern lifestyles
in our daily living.
Despite the above stated
facts, there are improved ways of learning. Add a hyphen
above-stated
Thus
, On-line
Correct your spelling
Online
tution
is Correct your spelling
tuition
adapted
by many. A Correct your spelling
adopted
personn
can enrol with an educational institution and choose their own time and place to be taught and study. Correct your spelling
person
This
allows for convenience and easy accessibility in spite of how busy life has become. Hence
, there is some positivity with modern lifestyles
.
In conclusion, I agree our ways of living nowadays differ from the past with some benefits and drawbacks to it..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Submitted by nmaureen03 on
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task achievement
To improve the task response, you should elaborate more on both positive and negative aspects and give a more detailed opinion. Currently, the essay touches on both sides but lacks depth in certain areas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Current transitions can be improved to maintain a better flow throughout the essay.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. There are some minor errors and awkward phrasings that can be refined for a clearer and more professional expression.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement at the beginning, which helps in setting the context for the reader.
supported main points
You have included specific examples, like the reference to the 2012 Chicago school shooting, which help in illustrating your points effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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