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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents , for instance in sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sprts person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 argue that some entertainers are born with their
talents
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 and others believe that talented
people
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 can be developed through effort. Both views will be discussed, but I opine the former view is more convincing. On the one hand, some
people
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 can be taught to be a sportsman or musician. First of all,
people
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, especially
children
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, are easily affected by the environments around them.
Children
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 lack various experiences and learn their tastes only from their acquaintances.
For example
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, if a child is surrounded by friends who enjoy soccer, the child is likely to participate in the game and think that soccer is enjoyable and fun.
Moreover
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, the power of practice is inevitable.
Talents
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 cannot be grown without practice. If a
person
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 is naturally talented but does not put effort in, the
person
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 will end up just being average.
However
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, a
person
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 who is less gifted works harder, the
person
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 will excel the
person
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 who has
talents
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 but does not practice.
On the other hand
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, the most excellent sports or music players are gifted. A lot of players find out their
talents
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 at an early age. Their
talents
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 catch not only parents' eyes but
also
Linking Words
 teachers' eyes.
For instance
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, musicians naturally know the absolute pitch without tuition, and sportsmen shoot goals 10 times easier than other kids. With the superior
talents
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, they achieve their goals much faster than
people
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 without it.
Secondly
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, there are many proofs that some genetics are real. Throughout history, there have been many families whose family members share similar jobs.
For example
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, Beethoven's father was a singer and his grandfather was
also
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 a musician. The music genetics runs in their family. In conclusion, I believe
talents
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 are affected by nature rather than nurture.
Thus
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, observing
children
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 whose
talents
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 they inherited is suggested for parents because it can offer opportunities to develop their
children
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's better future.

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint to the reader, providing a brief preview of the arguments you will discuss.
Detail and Development
Develop your main points further with more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Linking Words Usage
Although you have used a variety of linking words, try to enhance the flow of your essay by ensuring these connectors are implemented smoothly and effectively.
Balanced Argumentation
Consider a more balanced approach to the discussion by analyzing the opposing viewpoint with the same depth as your favored one.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear structure that separates discussion points effectively, aiding in overall readability.
Introduction and Conclusion
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, making your standpoint clear and rounding off your argument well.
Relevant Examples
You've used relevant examples to support your points, which helps in illustrating your arguments.
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