In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years,
sports
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stars
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have become more famous and richer. Some people think
this
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is good because it makes
sports
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more popular. Others believe it has a negative impact.
This
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essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On one hand, the increased fame and wealth of
sports
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stars
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have many benefits. Famous
athletes
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can inspire young people to participate in
sports
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and stay healthy. Their visibility attracts more media attention, sponsorships, and money, which can improve
sports
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facilities and training programs.
For example
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, football
stars
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like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo have made football more popular worldwide, leading to more youth programs.
Additionally
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, successful
athletes
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often use their influence to support important causes and drive positive change in society.
On the other hand
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, excessive fame and wealth can have negative effects. The pressure to maintain their status can lead
athletes
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to prioritize personal gain over the sport itself.
This
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can result in unethical
behavior
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behaviour
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,
such
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as using drugs to enhance performance, which damages the sport's reputation.
Furthermore
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, the lavish lifestyles of wealthy
athletes
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can set unrealistic expectations for young fans, making them value money over hard work and teamwork. The focus on individual
stars
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can
also
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overshadow the importance of collaboration in
sports
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. In conclusion,
while
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the fame and wealth of
sports
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stars
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can make
sports
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more popular and inspire people,
it
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they
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can
also
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lead to unethical
behavior
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behaviour
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and misplaced values. In my opinion, the benefits can outweigh the drawbacks if
athletes
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and
sports
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organizations emphasize honesty, teamwork, and the true spirit of competition.
Submitted by vladislavikonnikov112 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, provide more specific examples or expand on the examples provided to support your points more robustly. This will help deepen your argument and illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the next, making the flow of the essay even smoother. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas, which will enhance the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Adding counterarguments or addressing potential objections can help demonstrate critical thinking and balance. For example, you could discuss how some athletes manage to stay grounded despite their wealth and fame, and how this can serve as a positive model.
task achievement
The essay topic is clearly addressed, and both views on the issue are discussed thoroughly. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the discussion and clarify the overall argument. This gives the essay a strong structure.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized, and the essay flows well from one idea to the next, maintaining a coherent structure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-profile
  • grassroots
  • advocacy
  • charity work
  • social causes
  • irresponsible behavior
  • negative influence
  • commercial interests
  • sporting spirit
  • profit-driven
  • individual star players
  • team achievements
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