In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years,

sports

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stars

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have become more famous and richer. Some people think

this

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is good because it makes

sports

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more popular. Others believe it has a negative impact.

This

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essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On one hand, the increased fame and wealth of

sports

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stars

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have many benefits. Famous

athletes

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can inspire young people to participate in

sports

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and stay healthy. Their visibility attracts more media attention, sponsorships, and money, which can improve

sports

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facilities and training programs.

For example

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, football

stars

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like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo have made football more popular worldwide, leading to more youth programs.

Additionally

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, successful

athletes

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often use their influence to support important causes and drive positive change in society.

On the other hand

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, excessive fame and wealth can have negative effects. The pressure to maintain their status can lead

athletes

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to prioritize personal gain over the sport itself.

This

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can result in unethical

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

such

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as using drugs to enhance performance, which damages the sport's reputation.

Furthermore

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, the lavish lifestyles of wealthy

athletes

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can set unrealistic expectations for young fans, making them value money over hard work and teamwork. The focus on individual

stars

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can

also

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overshadow the importance of collaboration in

sports

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. In conclusion,

while

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the fame and wealth of

sports

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stars

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can make

sports

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more popular and inspire people,

Correct pronoun usage

they

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can

also

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lead to unethical

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

and misplaced values. In my opinion, the benefits can outweigh the drawbacks if

athletes

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and

sports

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organizations emphasize honesty, teamwork, and the true spirit of competition.

vladislavikonnikov112Sun Jun 30 2024

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What works well

task achievement

The essay topic is clearly addressed, and both views on the issue are discussed thoroughly. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the discussion and clarify the overall argument. This gives the essay a strong structure.

coherence cohesion

The main points are logically organized, and the essay flows well from one idea to the next, maintaining a coherent structure.

Improvement Suggestions

task achievement

To achieve a higher score, provide more specific examples or expand on the examples provided to support your points more robustly. This will help deepen your argument and illustrate your points more vividly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the next, making the flow of the essay even smoother. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas, which will enhance the readability of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Adding counterarguments or addressing potential objections can help demonstrate critical thinking and balance. For example, you could discuss how some athletes manage to stay grounded despite their wealth and fame, and how this can serve as a positive model.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

high-profile
grassroots
advocacy
charity work
social causes
irresponsible behavior
negative influence
commercial interests
sporting spirit
profit-driven
individual star players
team achievements

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others, it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

What works well

Improvement Suggestions

Some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it’s more important to reward students who achieve other types of success (such as sports, music, and good behaviour). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

art and music are considred some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that hildren should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today;s modern wordl of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school ?

Some people think that cars should be banned from city centers to reduce pollution.

write a discharge letter for a doctor