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Writing Samples
Band 8

Levels of youth crimes are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons and solutions for this?

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Nowadays, most urban regions around the globe are confronted with a dramatic increase in juvenile offenders. One possible explanation for
this
 issue is the proliferation of technology.
In other words
, modern devices,
such
 as mobile phones or computers, offer teenagers social platforms to approach illegal content.
Consequently
, they could mimic criminal deeds on the internet and
then
 offend against the laws.
For example
, adolescents could easily engage in online gambling and try to obtain funds at any rate, including shoplifting and mugging, to continue playing those games. Another interpretation is the deficiency of family affection.
This
 means that the psychology of the children in these families could be negatively affected because their parents pay less attention to them, which could easily lead to delinquent behaviours in public.
Hence
, teenage individuals could be prone to commit illegal deeds in metropolitan areas because of the development of advanced technology and the carelessness of their parents.
Nevertheless
, there are some promising formulas for tackling
this
 crisis. The first idea worth mentioning is the stringent regulations. It means that governments could impose strict principles on residents, making them responsible for all their behaviours regardless of age. It leads young teenagers to consider carefully before acting. Take the juvenile culprits in the Middle East as an example; they still suffer capital punishment if they have done evil actions. The second idea is the authorities could encourage companies to allow employees to work from home, helping them have more time with their offspring and guiding them to become kind people.
Thus
, it could alleviate the rate of younger criminals.
Therefore
, the youth crime rates could decline thanks to the government’s intervention. In conclusion,
although
 some reasons contribute to the rise in the youth crime rates in most cities around the planet, there are still some potential measures for solving that problem.
Submitted by Mads on

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task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but it would be beneficial to expand on the specific examples and elaborate more on the solutions to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader more effectively through your main points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in following the argument easily.
logical structure
Logical flow is maintained throughout the essay, allowing readers to understand the progression of ideas.
supported main points
Sound educational language is used, which adds to the formal tone required for this type of essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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