Some people say that music is good way of bringin people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some
people
believe that
music
can be a great
way
to socialise with other
people
regardless of their culture or age. I completely agree with the idea that
music
is a universal subject and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will explain more detail
this
statement. There are several reasons why
music
is incredible for meeting
people
in different countries to learning about their cultures.
Firstly
,
music
tries to transfer some emotions and bring
people
together if they feel
similarly
about songs.
For instance
, nowadays we see various comments on some YouTube
music
videos that some
people
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
that they do not understand the song's lyrics but they feel amazing. It shows that we do not need to know a foreign language to feel what
music
explains to us.
Secondly
,
music
is the easiest
way
to teach our culture
due to
every country has different types of instruments and some folk
music
they have.
Finally
, some
music
does not have any words and they play just a few instruments, yet they are timeless and universal like Beethoven.
In addition
,
music
can
offer
Verb problem
allow
show examples
individuals to share the same feelings in any age group. Recently research shows that babies are able to understand instrumental
music
while
they are placenta.
Thus
, it is possible that elderly
people
and babies can enjoy the same
music
and it provides enjoyable time for each other and is a great
way
to socialise with
people
in out.
To sum up
, I believe that
music
is a great
way
of meeting
people
from various age ranges and sharing their emotions with other
people
and it provides learning about different cultures.
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning particular music genres or sharing anecdotes can make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. At times, the essay jumps from point to point without clear bridges.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your stance on the topic, setting a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the essay's argument about the universality and connecting power of music.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional connection
  • universal language
  • cross-cultural communication
  • cultural exchange
  • generation gap
  • shared experience
  • music trends
  • common ground
  • concerts
  • music festivals
  • community music programs
  • educational tool
  • cultural awareness
  • social cohesion
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