Today children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

In the contemporary era,
due to
the modern technological world, kids are surrounded by electronic
devices
such
as computers, laptops, tablets, and smartphones. Compared to the previous generation, nowadays,
children
are able to use these
devices
at a very young age, which concerns specialists, parents, teachers, and other
people
related to
this
area. The question raised here is: what are the advantages and disadvantages of
this
early usage of these
devices
? On one hand, there are several harms associated with the early usage of
devices
. The first and most important thing to mention is the physical damage over time. Physically, playing outside and doing sports with
children
of the same age benefits them in many ways. Obviously, the long-term usage of electronic
devices
harms the eyes and
also
increases the chance of obesity, which is especially increasing these days among
children
.
For instance
, a kid playing video games more often than their peers is more likely to wear glasses and
also
have overweight issues.
In addition
, another disadvantage is that a kid who is more occupied with
devices
has weaker connections with
people
and friends. Needless to mention, communication skills can be learned from
practicing
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practising
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and making friends at a young age.
Therefore
, missing
this
opportunity damages the kid's social skills and self-esteem.
On the other hand
, it is obvious that the improvement of
technology
serves us in many ways, and
this
topic is no exception. There are a number of positives we can name in
this
area.
Firstly
,
children
nowadays are able to access information very easily, and it's no longer a problem to search for and
look up
Correct your spelling
lookup
show examples
data. No matter how rare or unknown a topic is, anyone can access books and data written about it.
Thus
, for
children
who are interested in science or other fields or want to access more books and data,
technology
makes
this
work much easier for them. The second thing to mention regarding the benefits is that
children
nowadays are less likely to lose connection with friends or
people
who do not live nearby anymore.
For instance
, it used to be common to lose touch with a person who changed schools, even if they shared many interests.
Although
it is still not possible to meet them very often,
technology
has made it easier to stay connected than before.
To sum up
,
technology
serves us in many ways,
such
as providing us with a lot of information in various formats and enabling connections with various
people
.
However
, it has its own drawbacks, which can include physical
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
and lower social skills.
Thus
, it is important to be mindful of the drawbacks
while
Change preposition
of
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taking advantage of
technology
and electronic
devices
.
Submitted by spourkhalil79 on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a thorough response to the task, there could be more specific examples to illustrate the points. For instance, mentioning specific studies or statistics regarding the negative physical effects of screen time on children would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity of some ideas. Some points can be expanded or explained in more detail to ensure readers fully grasp the point being made. For example, when discussing the benefits of technology in maintaining friendships, explain how this positively impacts children’s social life.
task achievement
Try to ensure that all main points are consistently supported with detailed explanations or examples. For example, the point about technology making information more accessible could be expanded with specific examples of educational websites or apps that children commonly use.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured and logically organized, consider further enhancing the transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow. Signposting phrases could help guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Repetition of keywords can be reduced for a more varied language use, keeping the reader engaged. For instance, using synonyms for 'technology' or 'devices' can add variation to the language used.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a comprehensive introduction and conclusion, which clearly frame the essay and summarize the points discussed.
logical structure
There is a clear logical structure to the essay, with well-defined paragraphs addressing the advantages and disadvantages of early usage of electronic devices. This makes it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
supported main points
Main points are supported with relevant examples which makes the content more convincing. For instance, mentioning the risk of obesity and poor social skills among children provides a real-world context for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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