Nowsday, a growing numboer of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the present day, many people tend to shift their treatments from usual doctors to
alternative
medicines. In
this
essay, both the advantages and drawbacks of
this
situation will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, there are many significant negative consequences associated with the shift to
alternative
medicine
nowadays.
First,
many types of local
alternative
medicine
lack medical research and strong evidence of their successful treatments, as most of them were created from cultural beliefs and random experts. Receiving traditional local
treatment
could be seriously harmful when individuals have underlying medical conditions.
For example
, some with osteoporosis or deep vein thrombosis, their life would be at risk if they get some local
treatment
massages, leading to bone fracture and cardiac arrest. Distraction from essential help from doctors by
alternative
medicine
is another concern, resulting in a delay in
treatment
. Patients with cancer tend to use
alternative
medicine
before the disease progresses to an uncured point.
However
, people with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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health problems can benefit from
alternative
ways, being as a spiritual curative way for hopeless patients with non-curative diseases
such
as
late-state
Correct your spelling
late-stage
show examples
cancer, improving their mental health and giving hope.
Alternative
medicines are the best option for persons with low income who cannot afford expensive
medicine
or operation from the healthcare system.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they are not reliable as usual
treatment
, some benefits from them could be enough.
For instance
, workers with unsustainable finances, usually have some muscle pain which can be relieved by traditional
medicine
like massage and acupuncture. In Summary,
while
alternative
medicines provide significant benefits
such
as spirited curative and affordable, focusing on these alternatives
also
has negative impacts including complications from unreliable outcomes and distraction from the main
treatment
. Ultimately, I believe that the drawbacks of
this
situation outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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clarity
Consider revising some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing for clarity. For example, 'Distraction from essential help from doctors by alternative medicine is another concern' can be rephrased to 'Another concern is that alternative medicine can distract patients from seeking essential help from doctors.'
support examples
Try to present more specific and detailed examples to support your points. For example, when discussing how alternative medicine can be a spiritual curative way, provide an example of a specific therapy or case study that illustrates this point.
critical analysis
Engage in a bit more critical analysis regarding the drawbacks and benefits. Discuss why, despite some benefits, the drawbacks might have a more significant long-term impact on public health.
essay structure
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and a summarizing conclusion.
balanced argument
You have effectively raised and discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of alternative medicines, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
formal language
The language is generally formal and appropriate for academic writing.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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