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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Developing countries require help offered by international organization to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aids is important. Other believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both these views and give youw own opinion.

#countries #organization #development #people #aids #aid #advice #youw
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These days, some
countries
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 have a good position, but other
countries
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 most of which are developing districts need international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. In these situations,
people
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 do not have the same idea. In fact; a group of
people
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 believe financial aids are important things;
however
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, others think practical aid and advice. I subscribe second view because when we have
money
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 without planning,
then
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 we cannot evolve, yet devices and partial help can improve developed
countries
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. On the one hand,
money
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 is a good factor for upgrading health and sustainability;
however
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, when developing
countries
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 do not have a schedule or
people
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 who know how should they spend
this
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money
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, the country cannot get better, for
this
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 kind of government spending
money
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 for own
instead
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 of society.
For instance
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, 1000 years ago when the Iranian government was Ghajar;
moreover
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, Ghajar sold their country oils for
money
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 and spent
this
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 income on themselves, not to change
people
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's lives, medicine, or improve country firms.
On the other hand
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, if global industries send specialist
people
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 and facilities to developing
countries
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,
then
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 citizens learning altered their ways;
as a result
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, after many times these kinds of
countries
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 do not international help, for they access evolving knowledge. To illustrate, Korea in the past did not have any technology or company;
nevertheless
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, after Americans went to these
countries
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 they learned how must they do from Americans;
hence
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, now Korea has its own technology, medicine, and other things.
Also
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, can change its situation to the best position.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay by separating ideas into clear, distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should discuss one main point or idea to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you provide a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Make sure each point is clearly explained and supported with relevant examples. Try to be more specific and detailed in your explanations.
task achievement
Work on using more varied and precise vocabulary to express your points more effectively. This will help make your writing more engaging and convincing.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the case of Iran and Korea, are relevant to the points you are making and add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear opinion and your argument is consistent with that opinion throughout the essay, which strengthens your overall response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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