The growing number of overweight is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The Rising
number
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of overweight is a crucial
health
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concern, which carries out a serious affair. Spreading awareness through teaching physical education in school is offered as a resolution. I would agree with
this
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statement ;
however
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, I believe there are more convenient and effective solutions that would implemented regarding that matter. On the one hand, to combat increasing the
number
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of overweight physical education should be taken into account meticulously.
Initially
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, Conducting more classes that educate students about physical
health
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is a proper way to deal with
this
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concern. By doing so, students will be more aware and conscious about their self-
health
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care
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.
Therefore
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, the
number
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of overweight will hopefully decrease through implementing physical teaching in the school curriculum.
On the other hand
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, To mitigate the
number
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of overweight more effectively the
government
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's initiative plays a vital role in achieving
this
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aim. The
government
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should make policies that encourage food infrastructures to deliberate on the
health
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care
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of their nutrition.
Moreover
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, the Authority must debate about that matter in an international assembly to restrict unhealthy food consumption. World
Health
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Organization( WHO)
for instance
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, working
together with
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such
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organizations is profitable for society's
health
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care
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.
To conclude
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, executing physical education in schools has a profound effect and is crucial for students'
health
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care
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;
nevertheless
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,
government
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efforts have a massive impact on keeping under control the
number
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of overweight. Constructing policies that foster a healthy life and working with widely known
health
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organizations will be successfully attained through the
government
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,and
this
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approach has more favourable results compared with giving lessons in schools.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the overall persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to refine the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This helps in maintaining a coherent structure throughout your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt and covers multiple aspects of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a clear starting and ending point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • health care system
  • physical education (PE)
  • curriculum
  • lifelong exercise habits
  • healthy lifestyle
  • mental health
  • academic performance
  • comprehensive approach
  • nutrition education
  • parental involvement
  • budget constraints
  • resources
  • well-being
  • strain
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