IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#trend #reports #media #focus #emergencies #development #people #individuals #society
Some individuals believe that governments should invest more budget on medical needs and
education
 in lieu of constructing
theaters
 and sporting
stadiums
.
While
 it is true that paying for healthcare and
education
 is essential, I would argue that building
theaters
 and
stadiums
 deserve to receive investment from the government. On the one hand, spending on medical care and
education
 may bring plenty of benefits to the community. By buying modern medical facilities and constructing more hospitals, resident’s physical well-being may be improved. In terms of putting money into
education
, the authority can build more
education
 institutions,
such
 as: primary school and universities.
Moreover
, governments can
also
 put a budget on training programs for teachers so that they are well-trained and standardized.
As a result
, social intellectual may be developed.
Additionally
, if there are intelligent and healthy citizens in a nation,
this
 country will get a high quality workforce which leads to economic growth.
On the other hand
, investing in creating
stadiums
 and
theaters
 should be received investment from the authorities. First,there are tons of sports facilities
such
 as: football courts and running tracks in the stadium that can be accessed by the public which results in encouraging a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly
, if there are many large
stadiums
, nations can host international sports events
such
 as: Euro and World Cup.
Therefore
 it can attract tourists to develop the local economy. Regarding creating more
theaters
,
this
 is the place for artistic and performances which can satisfy residents’ entertaining demands.
In addition
, performing traditional art to the public may preserve the form of art.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, effectively addressing both sides of the argument. However, it would benefit from a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your position.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and relevant, try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific countries or cases where investment in theaters and stadiums has benefitted society could add weight to your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a more varied range of linking words and phrases. This will help in making the essay flow more smoothly and make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is generally good, but there's room for improvement. For example, ensure that each paragraph stays focused on one main idea and transitions clearly to the next.
task achievement
Your essay is well-organized and stays on topic throughout, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully supported your main points with relevant arguments and explanations. This contributes significantly to the essay's effectiveness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pessimistic outlook
  • exposed to negative news
  • stress and anxiety
  • success stories
  • balanced reporting
  • well-informed public
  • rational decisions
  • sense of helplessness
  • apathy
  • skew public perception
  • mistrust in institutions
  • enhance well-being
  • mental health
  • manipulate public opinion
  • serve specific agendas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: