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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that schools are no longer necessary, because students can get so much information through the Internet, and study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A few individuals argue that educational institutions are not essential that much, as students can learn new datasets and educate themselves at home by using the Internet.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that schools are necessary for everyone. Both sides have their merits , as girls and boys can become more disciplined but they will not be able to socialize themselves, which is what the
school
Use synonyms
 helps them with, and the essay will discuss them before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, information which is given in schools can be replaced with online resources.
That is
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 to say, educators don't need to go to college because there is another option for them,
such
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 as learning and development by yourself ,
moreover
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, it can create discipline.
For example
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, research conducted by Cambridge University has shown that 48% of their students, preferred to study at home in 2020 rather than in
school
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, they became more disciplined, which helped them in
further
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 life experiences.
On the other hand
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, schools not only teach but
also
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 contribute to socialization and adaptation to society. So they learn how to work in groups, solve conflicts and navigate different social situations, which are essential skills for their future roles in society.
For instance
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, the American film , Wonder'' tells about a teenager with health problems,
therefore
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 he does not look like everyone else and
this
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 prevents him from going to
school
Use synonyms
 until the age of 15. Up to
this
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 age, he studied at home with his mother.
As a result
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, after he went to
school
Use synonyms
, he found friends and socialized. In conclusion, these choices have their values, as being disciplined and socialising are both important. In my opinion, it is better for children to learn at
school
Use synonyms
, because they provide opportunities to explore diverse perspectives, fostering a sense of belonging and inclusivity. These experiences help students build the foundation for a successful and harmonious life within the broader community.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to establish your position more explicitly.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are developed fully with additional examples or explanations in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor language inaccuracies to improve overall clarity and professionalism.
content
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach.
content
The use of examples, such as the Cambridge University research and the film 'Wonder', adds credibility to your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • structure
  • discipline
  • routine
  • socialization
  • interpersonal skills
  • teamwork
  • resources
  • experienced teachers
  • self-motivation
  • credibility
  • content delivery
  • academic performance
  • learning environment
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
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