Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is it the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Phone

use

Use synonyms

time

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among

children

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is higher. There are various reasons behind

this

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increase but advancements in mobile devices and the Internet are usually attributed as the primary cause.

Although

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there are

also

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benefits, the harmful effects of

this

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development on

children

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can outweigh the good ones. In

this

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digital age, mobile phones are developed to be increasingly affordable and accessible.

As a result

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, phone

use

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is universal and many

children

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are given smartphones as their personal belongings that can be accessible almost 24/7. Internet is another factor that contributes to increased screen

time

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. A smartphone with a stable Internet connection is a great source of entertainment for

children

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where they can access millions of mobile applications online.

Moreover

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, mobile app developers are putting every effort into making their products fascinating or even addictive to users.

Children

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’s exposure to technology can benefit to a limited extent yet the drawbacks arguably have a greater impact. Even though

children

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can

use

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phones for educational purposes

such

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as taking online courses or learning foreign languages, it is relatively noticeable that more hours spent on the screen means less

time

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for physical and outdoor activities.

This

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can gradually lead to higher risks of obesity and lower health quality.

In addition

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children

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with compulsive phone

use

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can be distracted from other responsibilities

such

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as study or social connections, which are essential aspects of a child’s well-being. In conclusion, the development of mobile phones is driving

children

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to spend more

time

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on smartphones. The negative effects of

this

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phenomenon are varied and they need to be put under serious consideration, particularly by parents of young offspring.

vungoc2910Mon Jul 01 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a strong response to the task, effectively discussing why children spend more time on their smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. However, integrating more concrete and specific examples could further strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is quite good, with a clear progression of ideas. Yet, there is room to improve transitions between some paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, clearly outlining the scope of the discussion.

introduction conclusion present

You concluded your essay well, summarizing the main points and reiterating your stance on the development.

supported main points

The main points are well-supported, especially with regards to the possible negative impacts of excessive smartphone use among children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is it the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owing a home rether than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Poor people and those living in the rural areas find it difficult to acess university education. University should make it easy for persons from this background . To what extent do you agree or disagree.