Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is it the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

Phone

use

time

among

children

is higher. There are various reasons behind

this

increase but advancements in mobile devices and the Internet are usually attributed as the primary cause.

Although

there are

also

benefits, the harmful effects of

this

development on

children

can outweigh the good ones. In

this

digital age, mobile phones are developed to be increasingly affordable and accessible.

As a result

, phone

use

is universal and many

children

are given smartphones as their personal belongings that can be accessible almost 24/7. Internet is another factor that contributes to increased screen

time

. A smartphone with a stable Internet connection is a great source of entertainment for

children

where they can access millions of mobile applications online.

Moreover

, mobile app developers are putting every effort into making their products fascinating or even addictive to users.

Children

’s exposure to technology can benefit to a limited extent yet the drawbacks arguably have a greater impact. Even though

children

can

use

phones for educational purposes

such

as taking online courses or learning foreign languages, it is relatively noticeable that more hours spent on the screen means less

time

for physical and outdoor activities.

This

can gradually lead to higher risks of obesity and lower health quality.

In addition

children

with compulsive phone

use

can be distracted from other responsibilities

such

as study or social connections, which are essential aspects of a child’s well-being. In conclusion, the development of mobile phones is driving

children

to spend more

time

on smartphones. The negative effects of

this

phenomenon are varied and they need to be put under serious consideration, particularly by parents of young offspring.

Submitted by vungoc2910 on Mon Jul 01 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a strong response to the task, effectively discussing why children spend more time on their smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development. However, integrating more concrete and specific examples could further strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is quite good, with a clear progression of ideas. Yet, there is room to improve transitions between some paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, clearly outlining the scope of the discussion.

introduction conclusion present

You concluded your essay well, summarizing the main points and reiterating your stance on the development.

supported main points

The main points are well-supported, especially with regards to the possible negative impacts of excessive smartphone use among children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is it the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Private car ownership has been increasing over the past few decades. This has given ordinary people greater mobility, but has also led to concerns about traffic congestion and air pollution. Do the advantages of private car ownership outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays people normally stretch their working hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people's life easier?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subject, so it should be compusory in high schools. To what extent do you argee or disagree ?

Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaur, dodo…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?