IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. » »

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. » »
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given table illustrates the prevalence of 6 different mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 brands in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stores all over the world during the
years
Use synonyms
 2005 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that
Nokia
Correct article usage
the Nokia
show examples
 mobile was the most popular among people during both
years
Use synonyms
 and contributed the highest to the retail share.
Whereas
Linking Words
, BenQ company saw the least sales during
this
Linking Words
 time period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Samsung lost its customers slightly and was less sold in 2006 compared to the earlier year.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Nokia stayed at the top of the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 market and its demand soared from 32.5% to over a third of the total mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 market in just a single year.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by Motorola with a large difference of about 45% from Nokia in both
years
Use synonyms
 (17.7% and 21.1% respectively). A similar rise in the popularity of Sony Ericsson mobile was
also
Linking Words
 observed,
however
Linking Words
 it stayed at less than 10% for both
years
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
phone
Use synonyms
 companies saw a decline in their demand and sold fewer sets of phones.
For example
Linking Words
, the retail shares of Samsung,
L.G
Correct your spelling
LG
, and BenQ Mobile, were lowered, with a considerable downward plunge noticed with the BenQ Mobile company, when its shares fell from 4.9% to almost half at 2.4% over a year.
Lastly
Linking Words
, some miscellaneous phones were
also
Linking Words
 less purchased by customers during the mentioned duration.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: