IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should travel longer weekends. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #travel #weekends
Staffers ought to have more breaks during their employment week.
Although
 having rest gives employees healthier
work
, I firmly believe it will be the main reason for reducing motivation and leading to laziness over
time
. Workers who have longer free days often face an increasing workload when they return to
work
.
Moreover
, employees may not be able to cope with all the
work
, which can lead to a decline in the quality of
work
due to
 insufficient
time
 for thoroughness and accuracy.
For example
,
this
 rush can result in many errors and decreased excellence of
work
, ultimately impacting
overall
 productivity and employee satisfaction.
As a result
, longer days off give rise to higher stress levels and negatively affect
work
-life.
Although
 I consider it a negative approach, there are countless pros to having more breaks.
Firstly
, more
time
 off allows employees to relax and engage in activities that boost their mental well-being, leading to decreased stress levels after prolonged periods of their
work
.
Nevertheless
, extra rest days provide opportunities for exercise, better sleep, and healthier eating habits, contributing to
overall
 physical health.
For example
, it provides the best opportunity for individuals to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their personal interests. They can use their additional free
time
 to pursue hobbies, education, or personal projects.Workers who feel they have a good
work
-life balance are often more engaged and committed to their
work
, which can lead to higher quality and innovation. In conclusion,
while
 it is important to have adequate relaxation for effective
work
, maintaining a balance between
work
 and breaks is crucial.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and flow. For example, mixing short and long sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in your writing.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Concrete details can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument of your essay. It's important that every point you make ties back to your overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps convey your ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which showcases critical thinking and a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You have included relevant points such as mental well-being and productivity, which are important aspects of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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