It is more important to use space in cities well than make them look beautiful. To what extent do you agree?
When
cities
are growing and the worldwide population
is increasing, it is generally believed that city
space
management is increasingly significant in order to prepare for the future need for housing. Predictions suggest that there will be progressively more demand for space
, pushing many to believe space
is a main factor in city
planning. However
, as far as I am concerned, while
space
is an important thing to consider, there are other factors at play with similar if not more impact.
First,
a leading cause of concern is the problem of increasing population
density. Experts believe that population
density in cities
will only increase in the future as more young adults are interested in the facilities and work environment as opposed to its countryside counterpart. As population
growth requires more housing, space
is widely believed to be in grave need in the future.
Moreover
, this
is further
supported by the fact that taller apartments are built every single day, which focuses on giving a lot of housing for less ground area. These designs are not only an effective way to use space
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
give big cities
like Dubai its own charm.
However
, it is important to consider that increasing the amount of housing is a temporary solution to the increase in population
density. It seems to me that the overemphasis on space
only further
encourages young people to move to cities
, leaving other alternatives such
as the countryside to be underdeveloped. On the other hand
, planning focused on aesthetics or the beauty of the city
allows for an increase in overall
quality of life, where people living in cities
generally live happier. This
also
opens the door to other sources of income such
as tourism.
Although
population
growth is a major problem to consider, personally there are other factors as important. The lack of resources and green space
in a city
planned to utilize space
to the maximum extent is one. A beautiful space
featuring plants and grass is more environmentally friendly and sustainable as compared to one without. This
gives the city
a chance to help combat other global issues, for instance
, climate change.
With all the reasons mentioned above, in my opinion, it is clear that
while
space
is a crucial factor to consider in planning a city
, it is not the most significant as there are other factors one should consider. Most of which can be fulfilled if beauty were to be deemed as more important.Submitted by kelly on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and covers multiple aspects of the issue. However, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each supporting point is clearly linked back to the main argument for better cohesion.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and well-explained, they could benefit from more precision and depth in some parts for a stronger argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction provides a clear understanding of the topic and sets the stage for your arguments effectively.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant and specific examples that support your main points, such as the reference to Dubai's apartment buildings.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and restates your position, which is a good practice.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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