IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You are moving to a different country to study. You would like to work part-time while studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there to help you. Write a letter to the friend. In your letter • describe what your study plans are • explain the reason you want a part-time job • suggest what your friend could do to help you find it You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ..........,

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Dear John, I hope you are doing great! I am very happy to share with you that my Master's application has been accepted by McGill University. I am really eager to start at my new university, but I have to work
while
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 I am studying
due to
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 my limited budget. First of all, during my studies, I really want to work on machine learning applications in operations research, enabling me to open a bright career path in the future. Since I am going to be part of a well-known laboratory in the world, I have to take many classes about AI to improve my knowledge to excel in the team.
Secondly
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, I am sure that the laboratory would be so demanding on reports and exams, my schedule would be hectic.
However
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, I need a job to make money during my studies because I don't have enough money to cover my monthly needs. When I checked rent prices in Montreal, they were above 1500 CAD, which means that I cannot afford to pay the rent. Considering
this
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 situation, I need a job badly when I come to Montreal, and I need your help because you are working at a restaurant and have a network that may help me find a job.
Furthermore
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, I want to share my resume with you, and maybe you can give me feedback about what they are looking for in a part-time employee. I am looking forward to hearing from you! I hope to see you soon. Keep in touch! Best wishes, Ibrahim

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task response
You answer all three parts. Say more clearly what job you want, such as work in a cafe or a shop. Also ask John to do one or two clear things, for example, ask his boss or tell you about jobs near the school.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. But the first two body parts are both about study. Put your study plan in one short part, then write about money and work in the next part. Use simple links such as “Also”, “Because of this”, and “Finally”.
language
Use shorter sentences in a few places. For example: “The lab may be very busy, with reports and exams.” This is easier to read than a long sentence.
task response
You clearly say that you will study for a Master's degree at McGill University and that you need work because you do not have enough money for rent and other needs.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and ending fit a letter to a friend. Words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, and “Furthermore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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