IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that high schools should incorporate unpaid community service into their mandatory curriculum, encompassing activities like volunteering for charitable causes, improving local neighborhoods, and teaching sports to younger children

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that high schools should incorporate unpaid
community
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service
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 into their mandatory curriculum, encompassing activities like volunteering for charitable causes, improving local
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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, and teaching sports to younger children.
This
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 essay advocates for the inclusion of compulsory public
service
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 in high schools, highlighting its role in fostering
students
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’ teamwork
skills
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 and encouraging their participation in constructive
endeavors
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endeavours
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. Requiring
community
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service
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 for high school
students
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 offers a primary benefit: enhancing their soft
skills
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, particularly teamwork. Engaging in social work involves collaborating with individuals from diverse backgrounds and personalities.
For instance
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, in initiatives like Qstar volunteering, where
students
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 can volunteer, they collaborate with admins, delivery personnel and other volunteers to deliver charitable services.
Community
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service
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 not only provides a constructive outlet for
students
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' free time but
also
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 cultivates empathy and a sense of responsibility towards their communities. By volunteering,
students
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 develop important life
skills
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such
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 as teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving, which are crucial for their personal growth and future success.
Moreover
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, engaging in
community
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service
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 can broaden their perspectives and expose them to diverse social issues, fostering a more compassionate and informed generation.
This
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 proactive involvement not only benefits society but
also
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 enhances the
overall
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 educational experience by bridging the gap between theoretical learning and practical application in real-world contexts. In summary, adding required
community
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service
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 in high schools helps
students
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 learn to work with others, understand different feelings, and take responsibility for their
community
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. It
also
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 gives them practical
skills
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 they need for their future.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and generally supports it with relevant points. However, to enhance Task Achievement, try to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, drawing from specific studies or personal anecdotes could greatly strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured and easy to follow, there are areas for improvement. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that the main points are consistently supported. This would elevate the Coherence and Cohesion score. Consider using linking words and phrases to connect ideas seamlessly.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by presenting the topic clearly and indicating the writer's stance from the outset.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points, and conclusion, which contributes to its overall readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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