IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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People have different opinions about whether
students
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 should
work
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 competitively or
work
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 in teams. There are several benefits of working with other individuals, I believe that
Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 alone in
competitive
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a competitive
the competitive
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 environment is encouraged. On the one hand, there are
vaious
Correct your spelling
various
 advantages of working in a team.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
cooperation
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 can certainly improve efficiency.
For example
Linking Words
, there are some perplexing tasks which people are not able
to
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apply
show examples
to handle solely in a short period of time,
it
Correct word choice
so it
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 would be better to allocate
work
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 to every
members
Change to a singular noun
member
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, ideas or thoughts are more likely to be shared in groups. Every member
are
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is
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 allowed to share their great, innovative ideas,
discusing
Correct your spelling
discussing
discuss
 with each other
for
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apply
show examples
the best one to complete their tasks.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
cooperation
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 in school prepares
student
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the student
a student
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 for their future
works
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work
show examples
. In society,
cooperation
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 can be seen everywhere, thereby
Linking Words
this allowed
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allowing
show examples
 school leavers to learn how to
work
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 with others.
On the other hand
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, I am of the opinion that
work
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 competitively
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
cooperation
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.
Firstly
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,
competition
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 can help
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to build
comfidence
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confidence
. With fierce
competition
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 in
morden
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modern
 society,
students
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 who get used to pressure and difficulties are more likely to be successful in their careers.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
competition
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 can motivate
students
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 to put more effort
to
Change preposition
into
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 their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Students
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 are willing to study harder in order to be the best.
Thirdly
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,
competition
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 can help individuals to develop skills more rapidly. People are more likely to learn
quicker
Replace the word
quickly
show examples
 under pressure. In conclusion, I believe that
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in fierce
competion
Correct your spelling
competition
 has greater advantages than
cooperation
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, even
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 brings some significant benefits.
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coherence cohesion
Work on refining your thesis statement in the introduction to clearly present both sides of the argument along with your own opinion. This would make your stance clearer from the very beginning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point. For instance, the third point in the second paragraph could be more seamlessly integrated with the prior discussed points.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your examples and their implications. Provide more specific examples to rigorously support each point you make.
task achievement
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and spelling. For instance, 'vaious' should be 'various' and 'comfidence' should be 'confidence'. This will enhance comprehension and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Good organization in terms of paragraph structure, with clear distinctions between discussions on cooperation and competition.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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