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Band 4

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

#plans #show #layout #university’s #sports #centre #redevelopment
The picture here illustrates the lay of the land of a university’s
sports
 centre now in comparison to in the future after restructuring. The outdoor courts on the west and east
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 will be added to the central section to create and utilize more space in the future. The reception will remain
on
Change preposition
at
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 the south entrance,
however
, a
sports
 shop and cafe will be added to it. On the right and left entrances beside the reception leads to the changing
room
 and seating
room
 respectively, which will remain
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 after redevelopment,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 goes to the pool area. The gym on the northern end
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
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, will be increased in size. From the gym area, there will be a doorway on the east side to let people go to the newly constructed dance studios. On the opposing side of the dance studios, a
sports
 hall will be developed
as well as
 another changing
room
 on the
south-eastern
Correct your spelling
southeastern
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 corner. On the western corner,
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
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 changing
room
 will accompany another pool that will be used as a leisure pool. In summary, the
sports
 centre is divided
in
Change the preposition
into
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 three sections, which will be
marged
Correct your spelling
merged
marked
 into one,
in addition
 to that,
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 facilities will be added to the
exiting
Correct your spelling
existing
show examples
 ones.
Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, but it would benefit from a little more detail in certain parts. For example, you mentioned what will be added and removed, but it would be helpful to mention the benefits or reasons for such changes.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but try to use more cohesive devices to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs. Words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', etc., can help in linking ideas more smoothly.
language
Some minor grammatical and lexical errors were present, such as 'will remain same' which should be 'will remain the same', and 'numerious' which should be 'numerous'. Proofreading can help spot and correct these.
task achievement
You presented a very organized layout of the existing and future sports centre with clear descriptions of the planned changes.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your main points.
language
Your use of specific terminology related to the sports centre, such as 'leisure pool', 'dance studios', and 'sports hall', enriches the content and shows good subject knowledge.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • redevelopment
  • expansion
  • modern amenities
  • recreational activities
  • cater
  • enhancement
  • aesthetics
  • accommodate
  • upgraded
  • welcoming
  • significantly expanded
  • current layout
  • future layout
  • gym enthusiasts
  • modernized
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