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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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There is a conceptual issue about
competition
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. Some individuals argue that
competition
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 has a positive impact on our society,
while
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others
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 disagree and believe that it may have adverse ramifications.
This
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 essay will discuss both arguments, concluding that
competition
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 is beneficial in our lives. First of all,
competition
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 at work can drive innovation and productivity, as employees strive to excel and outperform their peers.
In other words
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, if managers compare employees, they could do more tasks to prove themselves.
For example
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, workers can take overtime on weekends to compete with
others
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.
In addition
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 to that, in an educational setting,
competition
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 increases creativity among students. When there is a
competition
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, pupils may do more special things. As an example of that, my brother invented a small report, which can help with reading in school competitions.
On the other hand
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, opponents state that
competition
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 may harm our society. To illustrate, it can build bad habits among individuals.
For instance
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, selfishness may arise between teenagers since they try to prove they are the best among
others
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. Not only that, critics argue that cooperation can engage students and improve their skills. As an example of that, pupils can share their ideas and knowledge, which can help
others
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. In daily life, cooperation can enhance relationships and build a sense of community, making it easier to achieve collective goals. By the way of conclusion, after a detailed analysis of both arguments, I believe that
competition
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 is beneficial since it can motivate and engage us to improve ourselves over time.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, covering both sides of the argument effectively. However, it would benefit from a more detailed examination of the potential negative aspects of competition and the benefits of cooperation. Including more specific examples in both sections could also enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure in your essay, but consider enhancing the transitions between points for better flow. For example, you could use more varied linking phrases and ensure each paragraph connects seamlessly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to develop each main point fully. Some of the points you've made could be expanded with further explanation or additional examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, the discussion about how competition fosters innovation could include more industry-specific examples.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is well-written, clearly presenting the topic and your position. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion.
relevant specific examples
You use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the example of your brother in the educational competition, which adds credibility to your points.
logical structure
Your essay is cohesive, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the topic. This helps in maintaining a clear and organized argument throughout your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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