There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, academic
subjects
Use synonyms
at
school
Use synonyms
require a lot of hard work for
children
Use synonyms
at
school
Use synonyms
. Some people claim, that
subjects
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, which do not give people academic knowledge and intelligence, should be banned from schools, because
children
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can concentrate only on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
statement, because these kinds of
subjects
Use synonyms
have an essential part in education.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss arguments and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
of non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. First of all, even though
school
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frequently gives
children
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academic knowledge, it
also
Linking Words
gives them life experiences.
Additionally
Linking Words
, skills,
such
Linking Words
as discipline, friendships and relationships have a big impact on child development.
therefore
Linking Words
, these skills will be revealed more on non-academic
subjects
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, doing sports makes
children
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
team up.
As a result
Linking Words
, they learn how to be more communicative with each other.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sometimes
subjects
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such
Linking Words
as physical education or cookery are needed for
children
Use synonyms
, especially for mental health.
This
Linking Words
means that if they studied and focused on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
all the time, their brain would be exhausted.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, it needs time for relaxation and
that is
Linking Words
why physical activities at
school
Use synonyms
are
also
Linking Words
important.
Finally
Linking Words
, some students may need body activities more than intelligence.
For example
Linking Words
, they may need to perform at sports more to go to a professional level or they can cook often to be a chef in the future. In conclusion, academic
subjects
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at
school
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have a major impact on the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
of
children
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.
However
Linking Words
, the needs of other types of
subjects
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should be
also
Linking Words
significant, because the
school
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also
Linking Words
gives them life knowledge, mental health relaxation and
also
Linking Words
some students may be professional athletes or cooks some day.
Submitted by sosokhurtsidzee on

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Structure
Ensure a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to maintain a structured flow throughout the essay.
Coherence
Use a variety of linking words to enhance the coherence of your essay.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your arguments and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Grammar
Remember to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and adjust accordingly. This will polish your essay and make it more professional.
Introduction
Your introduction sets a clear stance on the topic, which is a good practice.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reiterates your stance on the issue.
Paragraph Structure
You've used paragraphs appropriately to organize your ideas, which helps in maintaining a logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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