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Band 7

In the future people will not need to have schools, galleries, museums or libraries because everything from education to culture and entertainment will be available online. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #schools #galleries #museums #libraries #education #culture #entertainment
In the future schools, galleries, museums, and libraries will not exist because everything from education to culture and entertainment will be on the
Internet
,
this
 essay will completely disagree with
this
 because presenting it online is not as beautiful as reality. It’s not reasonable for me to make everything move to the
internet
 like schools or museums or libraries, in fact, the whole thing already exists online if I search in Google for the library I will find tons of it,
however
, I will prefer to get it from the real library and it is not about availability on the
internet
 it is about the feeling of something exist front of you,
for example
, if I need some book and search for it, I will find it easily online and even free but the funny thing is that I go to the library and buy it. In the museum, it is a wonderful experience to see the art or historical pieces with my own eyes in reality, it is not enough feeling to see it online, and people I think will not disagree with me on
this
,
for example
, many of the drawings we can see it on Google and even we can take a free version, and people still go to a museum to see the real one and the rich of them will pay it for millions.
Finally
, the importance of real things is that we can feel
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 clearly, and the
internet
 can’t give us that even with its development.
Submitted by ahmedaziz9811 on

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task achievement
Improve your introduction by clearly stating your thesis and providing a brief outline of your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs to make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to the thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and follows through with relevant examples to support this stance.
coherence cohesion
The language used is appropriate for an academic essay and is easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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