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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that robots are impotant for human's development. Other's think that robots have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #impotant #development #effects #society
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Robots
 are a
potentional
Correct your spelling
potential
 replacement
of
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for
show examples
 humans
on
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in
show examples
 some jobs. They can comply treadmill and artificial intelligence has tremendous opportunities in intelligent work
such
 as programming and humanitarian sciences. Some people believe that it is a way
in
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into
show examples
 the future,
while
 others adhere to the contrary opinion. I am a proponent of the first opinion and we will discuss
this
 question in
this
 essay. On the one hand, we will consider the first point of view. Often automated labour is more productive than human one
hence
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 will dismiss
uneffective
Correct your spelling
ineffective
show examples
 workers and will use
robots
.
Thus
 price of commodities is reduced and
consumer
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consumers
show examples
 will pleased
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it.
Furthermore
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 can produce more goods
therefore
 country can export an excess of products.
This
 process is called "The Fourth Industrial Revolution"
according to
 the book by Klaus Schwab.
Moreover
, it is a solution to the problem of
deficit
Correct article usage
the deficit
show examples
 of
workforce
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the workforce
show examples
 and migrants will become useless.
On the other hand
, we will consider the second point of view.
Robots
 radically reduce
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the numbers
show examples
numbers
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number
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 of workplaces
therefore
 many people cannot find a job. They need to have a source of income to survive, government will need to pay unemployment benefits. It is an added burden on the budget.
For example
, The First Industrial Revolution was a cause of the Luddit Uprising. In conclusion, I explain my position. I see the future as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world where
robots
 will perform
most
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the most
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 part of
boring
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the boring
show examples
 species of work.
Whereas
 people will enjoy life, will get
basic
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a basic
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 income from
a
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the
show examples
 government, and will do sciences and arts.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your arguments by linking ideas more seamlessly. Using cohesive devices like transitional phrases can help improve the structure.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but ensure the introduction states explicitly that you will discuss both views before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Avoid repeating similar ideas. Make sure each paragraph contributes a distinct point to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents both perspectives and outlines your stance effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both views in a balanced manner, which is crucial for task achievement.
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes your standpoint well and provides a vision of the future, making your essay forward-looking and optimistic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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