Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

#students #work #whilst #college #university #results #time #education #pressure

Besides

studying in college or

university

, many student

work

, and

as a consequence

, they do not have enough time they spend on their lessons owing to the feeling of pressure.

This

essay agrees that the cause of

this

is a modern development demand,

while

the solution can be an alleviation of requirements towards the young who have graduated from

university

. Development is a crucial part of our society, not only evaluation of procedures but

also

in people's progress, as there is a big need for that. If 10 or 15 years ago having zero experience after graduating was seen as something neutral and understandable, nowadays it is quite a negative trend. It gets harder to get a highly-paid job without some practical knowledge, skills and practice in the area of study.

As a result

students

have to

work

and go on different internships

as well as

volunteerings

Correct your spelling

volunteering

volunteers

in order to not struggle in the future. Recent research by Harvard

University

shows that 78.9% of the heads of human resources departments in various local companies reject hiring individuals who are not experienced enough or at all, despite having recently graduated.

However

this

problem may be tackled by mitigating the requirements

while

hiring, as it is very hard to study and

work

at the same time. Multitasking is an important skill for all of us,

nevertheless

, if

work

affects the quality of the level of education that

students

cannot get properly owing to the lack of time, it should not be considered as something obligatory.

Furthermore

, it will help

students

to concentrate on their studies and have better knowledge not only in the area of their study but

also

enhance their worldview.

According to

the interview that was conducted in 5 colleges located in Birmingham, 88.2% of

students

support

this

idea and confirm that they would prefer spending their education years studying rather than working in order to be more successful in their studies.

To conclude

while

it is suggested that working during college or

university

makes it difficult for

students

to concentrate on their education,

this

essay thinks that the reason stands behind some evolutional standards and the solution can be in smoothing them.

Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on Sun Sep 29 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses the task prompt comprehensively but could benefit from being more explicit in stating the causes and solutions. Try to clarify the connection between modern development demands and the pressure faced by students.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is sound, but work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. Consider using more linking phrases and signposts.

coherence cohesion

While your introduction and conclusion are present and fairly strong, aim to make them more impactful by succinctly summarizing your main points and linking them effectively to your thesis statement.

task achievement

You’ve provided solid and relevant examples to support your points, such as the Harvard University research and the Birmingham colleges interview.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

363 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people support the idea of imposing taxes on fossil fuels (oil, coal, and gas) in order to reduce energy consumption. Others disagree with this approach. Consider the debate and its arguments, and come to your own conclusion

Nowadays, a growing number of people;e with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatment instead of vising their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has change because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become positive or negative development?

In some cities, people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes is replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better?

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.