Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?
Besides
studying in college or university
, many student work
, and as a consequence
, they do not have enough time they spend on their lessons owing to the feeling of pressure. This
essay agrees that the cause of this
is a modern development demand, while
the solution can be an alleviation of requirements towards the young who have graduated from university
.
Development is a crucial part of our society, not only evaluation of procedures but also
in people's progress, as there is a big need for that. If 10 or 15 years ago having zero experience after graduating was seen as something neutral and understandable, nowadays it is quite a negative trend. It gets harder to get a highly-paid job without some practical knowledge, skills and practice in the area of study. As a result
, students
have to work
and go on different internships as well as
volunteerings
in order to not struggle in the future. Recent research by Harvard Correct your spelling
volunteering
volunteers
University
shows that 78.9% of the heads of human resources departments in various local companies reject hiring individuals who are not experienced enough or at all, despite having recently graduated.
However
, this
problem may be tackled by mitigating the requirements while
hiring, as it is very hard to study and work
at the same time. Multitasking is an important skill for all of us, nevertheless
, if work
affects the quality of the level of education that students
cannot get properly owing to the lack of time, it should not be considered as something obligatory. Furthermore
, it will help students
to concentrate on their studies and have better knowledge not only in the area of their study but also
enhance their worldview. According to
the interview that was conducted in 5 colleges located in Birmingham, 88.2% of students
support this
idea and confirm that they would prefer spending their education years studying rather than working in order to be more successful in their studies.
To conclude
, while
it is suggested that working during college or university
makes it difficult for students
to concentrate on their education, this
essay thinks that the reason stands behind some evolutional standards and the solution can be in smoothing them.Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt comprehensively but could benefit from being more explicit in stating the causes and solutions. Try to clarify the connection between modern development demands and the pressure faced by students.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is sound, but work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas to enhance coherence. Consider using more linking phrases and signposts.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and fairly strong, aim to make them more impactful by succinctly summarizing your main points and linking them effectively to your thesis statement.
task achievement
You’ve provided solid and relevant examples to support your points, such as the Harvard University research and the Birmingham colleges interview.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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