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Band 5.5

Art should be a compulsory class for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #class #school #students
Acknowledging the importance of
art
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
, a significant number of people have asserted that artistic classes should be mandatory
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
hight
Correct your spelling
high
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 school. I wholeheartedly support
this
 idea because it is essential for
students
 to notice their artistic talents and acquire
Correct article usage
a well-round
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well-round
Correct your spelling
well-rounded
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education
.
Firstly
, young individuals have the right to receive
all
Correct determiner usage
an
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 integrated
education
. It means that the current
education
 is merely focusing on academic
subjects
such
 as language and mathematics, but children need to learn diverse
subjects
.
While
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 principle
subjects
 (language, science, etc.) can obviously enhance children’s logic and rational thinking skills,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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artistic classes can foster their creativity and intuitive aspect, which are one of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important factors for being intellectual.
For
this
 reason,
art
 is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 subject for children’s
overall
 growth.
In addition
,
art
 must be integrated into
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
 at high school since
students
 are able to find their artistic potential.
For instance
, a student could notice his artistic interest by painting in
art
class
 and develop it for his future career. For
this
 student,
art
class
 is not just
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time for pursuing his interests but
also
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to hone
Correct pronoun usage
his endeavor
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endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
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 for his future plan.
Therefore
,
art
 can be a subject which
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a pivotal role for
students
 in developing their career.
To sum up
,
art
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 integral to be included in pubic
education
 curriculum as we are responsible
to educate
Change preposition
for educating
show examples
 children with various
subjects
 for their
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 and it provides
students
 with a chance to find their artistic
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and skills.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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language
Ensure that minor grammatical errors, such as 'hight school' instead of 'high school', are corrected for a more polished presentation.
detail
Clarify some of the ideas by adding more specific examples or elaborating further on points like how art can contribute to a student's intellectual growth.
content
The essay provides a well-rounded argument supporting the inclusion of art in high school curriculum.
clarity
The reasons given are relevant and coherent, making a strong case for the author's opinion.

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