Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many adults work from home and technological advancement causes children to study from home as well. Some believe that it is a positive outcome because of the accessibility and lack of stress
while
others think that it causes young ones to be timid and withdrawn.
It is known that school teaches confidence. Children are forced to talk to each other and to speak in front of the whole class, for instance
, by doing group projects, as well as
, presenting their ideas and assignments. Also
, school is great for meeting new people. We need to have contact with other human beings and this
environment is where we meet our first friends and love interests from a very early age. Furthermore
, many teachers can have a huge impact on our future. Articles and online videos can not provide us the
same passion and knowledge as some educated individuals. There are lots of amazing tutors, who can inspire students and, Add the preposition
with the
additionally
, help them with their plans for future education.
We can not argue that online teaching is a great solution for poor families. Owning a good quality laptop is much cheaper than sending your young ones to well respected
and expansive Correct word choice
well-respected
high-school
. Correct your spelling
high school
This
way of learning can be a great opportunity for apprentices with great talents but not enough money. Moreover
, teenagers stay at home for online learning because they want to focus on their interests. Home-schooling usually does not require that much of an attention to particular subjects. Consequently
, people have more time to develop themselves in any way they want and they do not have to worry that much about their responsibilities.
To sum
up
everything that has been said, technological advancement is really helpful for the young generation, who Add a comma
up,
wants
to keep learning. Correct subject-verb agreement
want
Nevertheless
, we need to remember that school is a great experience, where we meet all kinds of people and, consequently
, they prepare us for adult life.Submitted by bandrowskaagnieszka1 on
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task achievement
Consider strengthening your main points with more specific examples. For instance, you could refer to particular studies or statistics supporting the benefits of in-person schooling for social skills.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to elaborate on the negative aspects of online learning in more detail, offering a balanced viewpoint. This can provide a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea, separated clearly, to enhance readability and coherence. Some sentences tend to run on and could benefit from being split.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both the benefits and drawbacks of the topic, showing good depth of understanding.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part of the essay effectively contributes to the overall argument.
task achievement
Your use of examples like group projects and the importance of meeting friends at school brings your points to life and makes them more relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example