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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic 1 : As computers are being used more and more in education, there will soon be no role for the teacher in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A few individuals believe that, in the near future, teachers will no longer be needed in the classroom, as
computers
Use synonyms
 can take over their roles. The essay will strongly disagree with the statement, as
computers
Use synonyms
 cannot replace the human connection and guidance that teachers provide.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
computers
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 are excellent at providing useful and accessible information and allow for independent learning. That means it
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 the opportunity to study more efficiently, as there is no need to go anywhere and search for materials.
For example
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, online learning platforms like "Foxford" offer a vast amount of knowledge and materials that do not need to be memorized. So through practical exercises and engaging formats, students can learn comfortably without feeling overwhelmed.
On the other hand
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, for a student, it is important not only to have access to useful resources but
also
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 to receive human interaction and support, which can help in overcoming difficulties.
That is
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 to say, a teacher can notice when a student is struggling and provide encouragement,
guidance
Correct word choice
and guidance
show examples
 and explain the material in a different way.
For instance
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, statistics across Russia have shown that 67% of students who studied in online schools were unable to receive emotional support from their environment and teachers, which led them to return to traditional forms of education.
In addition
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, it can be quite boring to sit in front of a computer without classmates, breaks and endless conversations, especially during the teenage years. In conclusion,
although
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 online learning through
computers
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 is much more convenient and offers greater freedom, it requires strict self-discipline.
In contrast
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, traditional education with the presence of a teacher is much more effective and inspiring.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to include a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main arguments more explicitly. This will guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to provide examples that are as relevant and specific as possible. While you have provided a good statistic, consider using another example to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between your ideas for better coherence. For instance, linking phrases can help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure and vocabulary. This will help make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your argument against the notion that computers can fully replace teachers is clearly articulated and well supported by examples.
task achievement
The use of a relevant statistic adds a layer of depth to your argument about the importance of emotional support in education, illustrating your point effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, providing closure to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitating interpersonal skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • empathetic understanding
  • moral guidance
  • personalized learning methods
  • individual learning styles
  • automated systems
  • classroom dynamics
  • foster a collaborative environment
  • group dynamics
  • accessibility
  • personalized content
  • mentorship
  • motivation
  • hybrid learning
  • digital resources
  • human expertise
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