Grandparents play a big role in the bringing up their grandchildren. Do you think it it useful for grandparents to be involved ? what is your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Since parenting is a major role played by the elderly, I believe it is a wonderful thing to involve them.
This
Linking Words
essay will give reasons as to why their presence can not be taken for granted.
Firstly
Linking Words
, old citizens have lived for a long time compared to the young ones.
This
Linking Words
means they have too much knowledge on the
interpesonal
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
skills that need to be
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
to the siblings.
For example
Linking Words
, virtues
such
Linking Words
as generosity,being polite
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
respect are taught as one grows up.
Therefore
Linking Words
, children who are brought up around the old grannys will automatically inherit
such
Linking Words
positive aspects and they will be socially acceptable in the community.
Further
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
consequences for those who do not follow the teachings of the parents like respecting each other. They can be disowned by their own family and considered as strangers.
Such
Linking Words
rules are approved by people who are above 80 years old.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Most of the young parents are under tight working schedules
due to
Linking Words
their role of providing for everyone
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for those who are
arleady
Correct your spelling
already
retired. They suggest that their mothers or fathers are the best people
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
taking care of their children and they have more trust
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
them. They opt not to employ caregivers,
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
pay their aging parents.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted by students at Chicago University on the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
at Illinois
hospital
Capitalize word
Hospital
show examples
showed that around 85% of the employees who had children below the age of 10 left them under
care
Add an article
the care
show examples
of their mothers.
This
Linking Words
explains why it is important to include extended family
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the raising of the kids. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe the retired have essential roles in taking care of the little ones because they possess too much knowledge and they are
also
Linking Words
trustworthy when it comes to dealing with the young citizens.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider supporting each argument with more detailed examples and avoiding repetition of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next and that ideas are linked clearly.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger thesis statement in the introduction outlining the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides comprehensive responses to the task with strong main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples to support its points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: