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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing excercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Hiring a personal fitness
trainer
Use synonyms
 is a new trend recently, especially in the youth community
besides
Linking Words
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
 or doing exercise classes. In my honest opinion, there are some positive and negative impacts of these choices. First and foremost, having a personal
trainer
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 could give you efficient
time
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 in the midst of your tight schedules.
For example
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, when you do not have enough
time
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 to get into the lines to use the gym machines, you can arrange a private
time
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 with your personal
trainer
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 and they will provide all of your needs related to the preparation of the tools.
Furthermore
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, being trained by the professional one is the best way to accelerate your progress, in order to achieve a certain goal in a short
time
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. Unfortunately, you have to spend a lot of money to afford a personal
trainer
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 for yourself since the demand in society has increased.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 choose to play
sports
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 in a group or take classes
instead
Linking Words
 of paying for a personal
trainer
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.
Besides
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 the expensive price of hiring a personal
trainer
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, many
people
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 prefer to play
together with
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 their friends. In my opinion, there are some benefits of playing
sports
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 in a community
such
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 as
getting
Verb problem
making
show examples
 new friends. Joining many
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 clubs could widen your circles and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 your social ability by interacting
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 many
people
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 outside your usual environment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, playing
sports
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 with your friends would increase the amount of quality
time
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 in the group. In conclusion, there are so many options to keep a good habit like doing exercise. Both choices are good, it depends on
people
Use synonyms
's preferences.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task effectively. However, it could be greatly improved by providing more concrete examples to support your points. Including specific scenarios or data can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. At times, the writing seems a bit vague. Detailed explanations and more precise wording can help make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
Ensure that your points are fully developed. Some of the main points seem underdeveloped, which can weaken the overall argument. Elaborate on your ideas to provide a more thorough response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, it could benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs. Linking words and cohesive devices can help make the flow more natural.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could be better organized. Ensure each paragraph has a single clear idea and maintains focus throughout. This will help improve the coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Supporting your main points with more detailed examples or evidence will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay. This will provide a stronger foundation for your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task requirements by discussing both the reasons for hiring personal fitness trainers and whether it is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
Clearly presents an introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and appropriate to the topic, contributing to a comprehensive response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personalized workout plans
  • Fitness goals
  • Accountability
  • Motivation and support
  • Flexibility
  • Individual needs
  • Social media influence
  • Tailored fitness
  • Cost-effective
  • Community engagement
  • Long-term health outcomes
  • Social interaction
  • Isolation
  • Scheduling
  • Efficient and effective
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