Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?
some believe that the government should spend money on
education
, while
others argue that recreation centres are of equal importance. I completely agree that education
is more important for the future of society
, and this
essay will provide examples to reinforce this
viewpoint.
Generally, society
is built on the hard work of well-educated personnel, who are responsible for broadening their horizons. such
educated people are what makes a well-structured society
, as everyone in society
has the right to education
, and should be provided with a better education
because children are what make the future of this
nation, government schools provide free educational access to poor students who cannot afford to pay high tuition fees. For example
, Madam President of India belonged to a labourer household, she worked in a mica mine while
receiving free education
in school. She is now ruling as the first lady president of India.
Granted, every country needs recreational centres such
as cinemas, sports facilities, and amusement parks to generate revenue. It is not mandatory to spend taxpayers' salaries on such
facilities. For instance
, recently Singapore International Airport has made an expansion, with the new addition being a waterfall, which requires a vast amount of funds, which could have been utilized for society
by providing better food and shelter for poor people.
To conclude
, recreational centres are a necessity, yet Education
is of paramount importance, I believe striking a perfect balance and focusing the funds in the right place matters.Submitted by brahmani.yl on
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the flow between ideas and sentences by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. You can do this by clearly stating your position and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is backed up with strong, specific examples. While the examples you provided are relevant, adding more detailed, specific examples can further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph deals with one central idea that is clearly linked to the main argument. This will help in making your ideas clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear answer to the task and covers all parts of the question adequately. This shows a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized in a logical manner with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You have used appropriate examples to support your main points, which adds relevance and depth to your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite