“Prison is the only truly effective form of punishment, because it separates criminals from society.” To what extent do you support this view? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Some people contend that imprisonment is the best and only way to effectively punish and separate
criminals
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from the population.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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argument and will explain why in
this
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essay. Some law violations are extremely serious, namely murder, genocide, and rape. These types of
crimes
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require a harsh sentence, and imprisonment may be the only choice to inhibit dangerous
criminals
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.
However
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, not all
crimes
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are equally severe, so punishments should be granted
according to
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the severity of the act. In emerging countries
such
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as Brazil,
for example
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, some individuals commit thefts,
such
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as stealing food or mobile phones, out of desperation to eat and pay their bills. They need better opportunities in education and employment rather than imprisonment.
Furthermore
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, going to jail may be detrimental as they can end up becoming associated with criminal gangs.
While
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offenders need to pay for their wrong choices, they
also
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deserve a second chance to be reintroduced into society. It is
also
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relevant to highlight that maintaining a prisoner in jail is highly expensive.
Thus
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, I believe that only grave
criminals
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should be confined. In my opinion, other offenders should go to rehabilitation
centers
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centres
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where they can learn, work, and contribute to the community
while
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paying for their
crimes
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.
This
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could be a more cost-effective program for governments. In Australia,
for instance
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, people who commit minor
crimes
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receive psychological support and professional training
while
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in custody.
This
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way, they can be reintroduced to society under bail conditions and work for the system rather than only spending government funds. In conclusion,
although
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some
criminals
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commit severe
crimes
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and there is no other choice apart from keeping them under custody, I believe that prisons are not always the best way to punish offenders.
This
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is because these establishments are expensive to maintain, and not every crime act is severe.
Therefore
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, people deserve different types of penalties and a chance for rehabilitation, where they can contribute to the community.

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task achievement
While your essay provides a clear and well-developed argument against the idea that prison is the only effective form of punishment, consider addressing opposing viewpoints more thoroughly to enrich your argument. Introducing and refuting counterarguments can strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, and the main points are well supported. However, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to enhance clarity. For example, separating the discussion about the cost of imprisonment into its own paragraph could provide clearer emphasis.
introduction conclusion present
The essay opens with a clear introduction that outlines the writer's perspective, and it concludes with a well-summarized opinion. This helps to frame the arguments effectively.
logical structure
There is a logical flow of ideas, and the arguments are consistently developed throughout the essay. Each point is supported by relevant examples, which strengthens the credibility of the arguments.
supported main points
The essay provides comprehensive ideas and utilizes relevant examples, such as the situation in Brazil and Australia, to illustrate points effectively. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and the ability to apply real-world examples in support of the argument.
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