Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don't go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. Do you agree or disagree?

#mothers #care #work #people #salaries #government

Women

indeed play a crucial role in society. These days, a large number of

mothers

stay at

home

and look after their family members,

hence

, some say that these

mothers

should be paid

salaries

by the government. I strongly disagree with

this

statement and

this

essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.

To begin

with, the authorities should not give

salaries

to homemakers because

this

will encourage to all

women

stay at

home

without going to work.

This

is,

women

can work and earn

money

by themselves; they use their talents and academic

qualification

Fix the agreement mistake

qualifications

show examples

for getting

Change preposition

to get

show examples

jobs, if the government pays

salaries

to them,

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

do not come out with their small circle.

For example

women

should be independent

Change preposition

apply

show examples

financially

as well as

emotionally but careers only bring

this

situation of

women

freedom

Hence

, the authorities should not pay any

salaries

mothers

who are at

home

on the grounds it affects

women

freedom

Furthermore

, housewives should not receive

money

from the ruling party as a

salary

because

this

impacts their talents and career perspectives.

This

is,

women

also

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

dream

Fix the agreement mistake

dreams

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

being a top positions in working

place

Correct your spelling

workplace

show examples

that's why they study

many

Change preposition

for many

show examples

degrees than men but if the authorities pay

salaries

them

Correct pronoun usage

those

show examples

who look after their family as a

salary

consequently

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

do not have a chance to achieve their dreams

besides

, their's thoughts and ideas are being very narrow space.

For instance

, the government should offer plenty of employment opportunities to homemakers, so they can earn

money

by themselves

instead

of providing

salaries

to them.

Then

, housewives should not get

money

from the ministry as a

salary

for staying at

home

and taking care of their families. In conclusion,

mothers

are sacrificed

Change the verb form

have sacrificed

show examples

their whole life

for

Change preposition

show examples

look after

families

Correct pronoun usage

their families

show examples

, even though, they do not get earnings from the ministry as a

salary

because it affects their

freedom

, financial independence, career perspective, talent and skills.

Therefore

, I strongly disagree with

this

statement

due to

it impacts

women

freedom

Submitted by reanudeepan on Thu Jul 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next. Use more cohesive devices such as 'moreover', 'in addition', and 'as a result'.

task achievement

Develop and expand your main points with more specific and relevant examples.

task achievement

Ensure your arguments are clear and comprehensive. Sometimes your reasoning can be a bit unclear or fragmented.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

You have articulated your stance clearly and maintained it throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

333 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don't go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree