Nowadays many mothers take care of the family and don't go out to work. Some people believe they should be given salaries by the government. Do you agree or disagree?
Women
indeed play a crucial role in society. These days, a large number of Use synonyms
mothers
stay at Use synonyms
home
and look after their family members, Use synonyms
hence
, some say that these Linking Words
mothers
should be paid Use synonyms
salaries
by the government. I strongly disagree with Use synonyms
this
statement and Linking Words
this
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
Linking Words
To begin
with, the authorities should not give Linking Words
salaries
to homemakers because Use synonyms
this
will encourage to all Linking Words
women
stay at Use synonyms
home
without going to work. Use synonyms
This
is, Linking Words
women
can work and earn Use synonyms
money
by themselves; they use their talents and academic Use synonyms
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
for getting
jobs, if the government pays Change preposition
to get
salaries
to them, Use synonyms
their
do not come out with their small circle. Correct pronoun usage
they
For example
, Linking Words
women
should be independent Use synonyms
in
financially Change preposition
apply
as well as
emotionally but careers only bring Linking Words
this
situation of Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
freedom
. Use synonyms
Hence
, the authorities should not pay any Linking Words
salaries
to Use synonyms
mothers
who are at Use synonyms
home
on the grounds it affects Use synonyms
women
's Use synonyms
freedom
.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, housewives should not receive Linking Words
money
from the ruling party as a Use synonyms
salary
because Use synonyms
this
impacts their talents and career perspectives. Linking Words
This
is, Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
has
Change the verb form
have
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
to
being a top positions in working Change preposition
of
place
that's why they study Correct your spelling
workplace
many
degrees than men but if the authorities pay Change preposition
for many
salaries
to Use synonyms
them
who look after their family as a Correct pronoun usage
those
salary
, Use synonyms
consequently
, Linking Words
their
do not have a chance to achieve their dreams Correct pronoun usage
they
besides
, their's thoughts and ideas are being very narrow space. Linking Words
For instance
, the government should offer plenty of employment opportunities to homemakers, so they can earn Linking Words
money
by themselves Use synonyms
instead
of providing Linking Words
salaries
to them. Use synonyms
Then
, housewives should not get Linking Words
money
from the ministry as a Use synonyms
salary
for staying at Use synonyms
home
and taking
care of their families.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
mothers
Use synonyms
are sacrificed
their whole life Change the verb form
have sacrificed
for
look after Change preposition
to
families
, even though, they do not get earnings from the ministry as a Correct pronoun usage
their families
salary
because it affects their Use synonyms
freedom
, financial independence, career perspective, talent and skills. Use synonyms
Therefore
, I strongly disagree with Linking Words
this
statement Linking Words
due to
it impacts Linking Words
women
's Use synonyms
freedom
.Use synonyms
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next. Use more cohesive devices such as 'moreover', 'in addition', and 'as a result'.
task achievement
Develop and expand your main points with more specific and relevant examples.
task achievement
Ensure your arguments are clear and comprehensive. Sometimes your reasoning can be a bit unclear or fragmented.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have articulated your stance clearly and maintained it throughout the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example