It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
, a lot of people often encounter threats and challenging moments in both
professional
Correct pronoun usage
their professional
show examples
and personal lives.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that it is seen as beneficial affects to individuals, as they can develop their abilities in
those field
Change the determiner
that field
those fields
show examples
.
This
essay will discuss the benefits of the
risks
with examples. When it comes to enduring hard tasks in younger generation,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
often
undergo
Correct subject-verb agreement
undergoes
show examples
tough
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
in
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
ordinary lives
due to
the
lacks
Fix the agreement mistake
lack
show examples
of life
exprience
Correct your spelling
experience
and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
. They
migh
Correct your spelling
might
not fully comprehend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moral values, leading them to encounter various challenging moments and failures.
However
,
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
situations exert an extremely
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
influence on their developmental stages.
Hence
, children should be given the choice
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
themselves, By doing so, they may learn about making-decision process effectively, helping
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their development.
As a result
, the more challenging period they have, the more
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
they get .
Moreover
,
risks
often encourage workers to
continous
Correct your spelling
continue
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and challenges in
ther
Correct your spelling
the
their
workplace. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
nobody who did well at the first steps.
Therefore
if they accept various
risks
, they will get a feeling of motivation, leading them
devote
Add the particle
to devote
show examples
a significant amount of time and effort to
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
.
For instance
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
estabilished
Correct your spelling
established
design
Correct article usage
a design
show examples
studio in the previous year. During managing my studio, we came into collaboration with
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
design
company over
desiging
Correct your spelling
designing
and producing the chairs. It is
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
show examples
and burdensome project for our small
design
studio. Throughout
lengthy
Add an article
the lengthy
show examples
and demanding
design
process, we often faced
challenging
Replace the word
challenges
show examples
and
risks
, but we got over
this
hard project. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
can develop
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
mind-set
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
to
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
take
any difficult tasks during tough times.
Therefore
, taking
hrad
Correct your spelling
hard
moments
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
capacity
Correct article usage
the capacity
show examples
of my
design
skills. In conclusion, taking
risks
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
crucial role in development of the abilities and mental. A lot of experience
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
risks
makes it easier for them to handle challenging circumstances.
Submitted by dksrlgus1017 on

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Grammar
Ensure correct subject-verb agreement and more accurate use of articles (e.g., 'beneficial affects' should be 'beneficial effects').
Ideas development
Expand and elaborate on certain points for better support and clarity. For example, explaining exactly how overcoming challenges in childhood translates into long-term benefits.
Grammar
Use consistent and proper capitalization (‘i’ should be ‘I’).
Examples
The essay contains relevant examples that illustrate the main points, making the argument more persuasive.
Structure
The essay demonstrates a clear structure with a sensible progression of ideas.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments while reinforcing the overall position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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