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Band 6

Some people say that the bicycles are a good, modern means of transportation. Other say riding a bicycle has clear disadvantages.

#people #bicycles #transportation #bicycle
In our modern world, environmentally friendly types of
transportation
 are becoming more popular on a daily basis.
While
 many think bicycles are possibly the best option for
transportation
, others are of the opinion that there are some disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
bikes
 as a transport vehicle. Both views will be discussed, and it will be explored why I believe that moving to bicycles from vehicles
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
powered by fossil fuels is the first step to a green life. There are a large number of beneficial properties, especially in going to work or study by bike.
Firstly
, a bike is a cost-effective way to travel since cars require fossil fuels or electricity, and people can avoid buying
highly priced
Add a hyphen
highly-priced
show examples
 cars
as well as
 daily or monthly transport fares by purchasing a bike only once.
Furthermore
,
bikes
 are highly beneficial for the environment since they do not produce CO2 emissions. Cycling
also
 involves physical activity that can be highly beneficial for our cardioprotective system,
this
 kind of combination is uncommon in our modern world.
On the other hand
,
bikes
 have numerous drawbacks.
Initially
, it is considered a waste of time
due to
 its slower speed, which many businessmen dislike since they prefer not to spend their time on the way.
Additionally
, in our modern world, there are a variety of eco-friendly vehicles that are better and faster types of
transportation
 than
bikes
.
Moreover
, special cycling paths should be created for cyclists;
however
,
this
 requires a large amount of expense. In conclusion, despite some guess
Add a comma
,
show examples
we should
potential
Change the word
potentially
show examples
 faster
transportation
 type
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 suggest that cycling is the best solution to tackle modern eco-problems because even electricity is produced by burning fossil fuels or radioactive materials which are used for charging electric cars. 291 words
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, try to structure your arguments more clearly and concisely. For instance, breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can help convey your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to review your essay for minor grammatical and typographical errors, as these can sometimes distract from your main arguments. For example, phrases like 'cars which powered by fossil fuels' should be corrected to 'cars powered by fossil fuels.'
task achievement
The essay covers both views comprehensively and provides a balanced argument, which contributes to a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, helping the reader to follow the argument from start to finish.
task achievement
Relevant examples and reasons are provided to support the main points, which enhances the overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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