IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that workers have worked in a company for long years should be promoted. What is your opinion.

#people #workers #company #years
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According to
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 some,
promotion
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 priority should be given to long-serving workers in a
company
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.
However
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, there is a caveat with
this
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 view, as it does not support incentives based on
performance
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.
Hence
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, I have a different view, where
in addition
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 to loyalty,
performance
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 too should be considered and I have the following reasons to support my stance.
Promotion
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 based on the number of years an employee serves in a
company
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 sends the wrong signal to the new joiners. They would think that no matter how hard they work,
due to
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 their
company
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's appraisal policy, they might not get their role upgraded.
This
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 creates a sense of remorse and eventually, these folks leave the
organization
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 in search of greener pastures.
Moreover
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, without having a proper career roadmap, a person with huge potential and calibre might lose their interest and can jump to other competitors creating a great void for the
organization
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 to fill.
Furthermore
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, creativity and adaptability typically take a backseat in an
organization
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 which is run by the old-timers.
This
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 is mainly because they know only about the
company
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's tactical know-how but not the industry's current trajectory.
Hence
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, they work with the old process which might not be efficient.
On the other hand
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, if a team hires a person outside their
organization
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 and promotes them, new novel ideas can be brought up eventually improving the
organization
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's
performance
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.
In addition
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,
promotion
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 based on tenure promotes slackness in the
company
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 as well.
For instance
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, even if an employee's
performance
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 is poor, they stick for a longer duration and can still get their rank increase. So
to conclude
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, in my opinion, tenure-based
promotion
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 sets a wrong example for the employees and has greater repercussions for the
organization
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 as well.
Hence
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, companies should follow a balanced approach in offering promotions, where both the
performance
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 and the tenure of an employee are equally weighed before they can be moved to the next step in their career rank.
Submitted by nusramkumar on

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Language Use
Remember to integrate varied sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your argument further.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points for even greater impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
You have shown a strong ability to develop your viewpoints with a logical flow of ideas, which is crucial for high-level essays.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long-term loyalty
  • deep understanding
  • invaluable qualities
  • higher-level positions
  • leadership skills
  • decision-making
  • mentor
  • boost morale
  • turnover rates
  • performance and competence
  • tenure
  • fresh perspectives
  • innovation
  • balanced approach
  • merit-based
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