IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Media coverage of violent crime frightens people and encourages criminals. Therefore, some people believe this type of news should not be reported in newspapers or shown on TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

f there are
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 when some
people
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 criminality to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
, but the mass media should not report
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 their news. There are two
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view from
this
Linking Words
 statement, some
people
Use synonyms
 agree thinks no problem because they think it
normal
Add a missing verb
is normal
show examples
, meanwhile
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think it
obey
Change the verb form
obeys
show examples
 the human
Use synonyms
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 rules. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 agree with the statement because
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 have
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 power than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. So, they use
this
Linking Words
 chance unwisely. When a group of
people
Use synonyms
 make
mistake
Correct article usage
the mistake
show examples
to hurt
Change preposition
of hurting
show examples
 anybody
such
Linking Words
 as killing experiment,
sexual
Correct word choice
or sexual
show examples
 harassment. The victims
report
Wrong verb form
reported
show examples
 to the police and the journalist to investigate
this
Linking Words
case
Use synonyms
, but the suspect already
bribe
Wrong verb form
bribed
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them so the
case
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
was
show examples
stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
 directly. It
drawbacks
Add a missing verb
has drawbacks
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the victims and
the
Change the word
their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 :
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
case
Use synonyms
 that happened to
young
Add an article
a young
the young
show examples
 woman who
get
Verb problem
was
show examples
bullying
Replace the word
bullied
show examples
 by some
tenagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
,
this
Linking Words
 cause never
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 but all
people
Use synonyms
blame
Wrong verb form
blamed
show examples
 the girl.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government, especially the
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
information
Capitalize word
Information
show examples
 should take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 security and safety issues so it will make
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
. One of our policies states that nations will protect the human rights of all citizens and will punish bad
people
Use synonyms
 who make criminals. Mass media is one way to take part in
this
Linking Words
case
Use synonyms
 to spread the truth. Journalists have big power to demolish and report the
case
Use synonyms
 to the public.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indonesia,
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
severals
Correct your spelling
several
show examples
 mysterious
murdered
Replace the word
murders
show examples
case
Use synonyms
 who never
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 the
right
Use synonyms
 suspect, but with good collaboration
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
 honest
journalist
Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
show examples
,
police
Correct word choice
and police
show examples
,
justice
Correct word choice
and justice
show examples
 the truth will appear and the
people
Use synonyms
 will trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government. To
concluded
Change the form of the verb
conclude
show examples
, I support that the mass media should show the suitable and
right
Use synonyms
 information to all
people
Use synonyms
. I firmly do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because every person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
right
Use synonyms
 to live in
this
Linking Words
 world and the government should protect their citizens to get their convenience.

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task achievement
Your essay should provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas. While you touched on the negative impact of media not reporting crimes and the government's role in ensuring safety, these points need to be more developed.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are well-supported with relevant and specific examples. Although you mentioned some examples, they need to be clearer and more detailed to effectively support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's logical structure needs improvement. Make sure that each paragraph clearly conveys one main idea and is logically connected to the next. This will make your overall argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which are positive aspects of your coherence and cohesion. The presence of these elements helps in structuring your essay effectively.
task achievement
You did attempt to respond to the task completely by addressing both viewpoints. This shows that you understand the requirement of providing a balanced argument.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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