Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that parents make their children overweight by overfeeding them and should be penalised.
This
essay disagrees with this
statement because they are not always with their caretakers during the day, and obesity
can sometimes be hereditary.
One main reason parents should not be held accountable for their children's obesity
is that they are not always with them during the day. Often, students meet up with their classmates after classes to have fast food, which is usually unhealthy and saturated with high amounts of salt, sugar, and fat. As a result
, this
could potentially lead to being obese and health problems such
as high blood pressure and diabetes. For instance
, a recent study found that almost fifty per cent of students who are obese exceed their caloric intake by consuming fast food after college hours.
Another major factor that could contribute to being overweight is hereditary. In Some cases, the young ones become overweight due to
genetic predisposition. As a result
, they have no control over how it is passed from one generation to the other. However
, most people approach this
situation by lifestyle modification, physical activity, and proper diet and nutrition. For example
, the World Health Organization released a report that almost thirty per cent of teenagers suffer from obesity
due to
positive family history.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents should not be penalised because of their young ones being fat. It seems to be that the main factors that contribute to this
problem are the eating habits of boys and girls after college hours, also
because of the preexistence of such
a condition in the family. Therefore
, penalising them is unreasonable and is not the right way to approach the issue of obesity
.Submitted by sara.elkhansa on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay provides a clear structure, consider adding more transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance flow.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly developed with sufficient examples and elaboration.
task achievement
Try to address potential counterarguments to strengthen your stance and add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the author's argument well.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, like the studies mentioned, effectively support the main points.
task achievement
The ideas are comprehensive and clearly presented, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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